


Under Your Protection

by WaterHorseyBlues



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - Police, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, It Gets Worse, Lots of Sex, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Side himdae temporarily, Skydive au, Undercover, kind of happy ending anyway, one shot au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-03-10 17:42:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 32,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13506576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaterHorseyBlues/pseuds/WaterHorseyBlues
Summary: Youngjae goes undercover to infiltrate one of the city's most influential gangs in the hopes of tracking down a mysterious criminal, X, who has bee slaughtering gangsters and making off with their riches. However, things become more complicated as Youngjae finds himself becoming intimately involved with the gang members, and X slowly closes in closer...





	1. ACT 1: 1

He hated to admit, but drinks were priced better in illegal underground bars. It was definitely all stolen and sold without license, but there was nothing he could do about it right now. He had his eyes on the door, twirling a dart between his fingers. The rough burn of his whiskey dissipated his nerves.

He just wished he had his gun. _His_ gun, not the one they'd given him.

He was just starting to get bored when he spotted his target across the room raise from his seat, thick fur coat swinging around his shoulders, and head to the door. Youngjae turned away and strained his ears.

The door opened.

The door closed.

He downed the last of his whiskey and grimaced, wishing he hadn't. He paused a moment, then cocked his head towards the dartboard and flung the dart.

Bullseye.

Or... Not quite.

It didn't matter.

He stood and dragged himself to the bathroom. He had a minute to kill. Quick piss so he didn't need to later, splash of water on his face, then he headed out with a nod to the barman. Nothing unusual, despite this being his last night drinking alone in there.

The cold night air ruffled his hair and settled on his washed face. He had to move carefully now.

He knew where to go, his target had been tailed enough to determine the route he took back to his base. All he had to do now was get in position and wait for the signal.

It wasn't too long before the furry coat was back in view. Youngjae hand slid to his gun, fingers pressed against the handle. A cold breeze prickled his skin. Ahead, something shifted.

The alleyway jerked with movement. Armed police swarmed from the cloak of darkness, surrounding the target, shouting orders and blocking every escape. The target turned, stepped, jerked back, desperate for an exit or vantage point. Nothing, just the barrels of guns. He drew his own gun anyway, keeping it low, glaring with the sort of fury only a gang leader could possess.

It was impressive.

“Put your weapon down, hands in the air!” One of the police shouted, likely the sergeant.

The target scowled back, absolutely not doing that.

“If you don't comply we will have to use force!” The sergeant stepped closer.

The target's gun flew up, pointing at the sergeant. All the police raised theirs in response in an orchestra of clicks. Then silence.

“Lower your weapon!”

No response.

“You have three seconds to lower it!”

Youngjae's cue would be any moment now if it didn't work out.

“Two!”

It didn't look like it was going to work out.

“One!”

He stepped forward, raised his gun, made sure the target's back was to him and shot.

The sergeant went down in a second.

Chaos broke out. Police scrambled everywhere, guns firing. Youngjae shot down a few and disarmed and knocked down a handful more, though not without a fight. The target had taken advantage of the chaos and dealt with the rest. Any left over had long fled.

Youngjae put his gun away and touched his mouth to find his lip had split. He wasn't impressed.

“Who are you?”

Youngjae turned to see the target, gun raised and pointed at him. He suppressed the instinct to grab his own.

“Uh, the guy who just saved your ass, in case you didn't notice.”

The target approached, gun still held firmly in place. “How did you know?”

“What?”

“How did you know they were here?”

Youngjae held his ground and begged his knees not to shake. “I could hear the shouting. They weren't exactly secret about it.”

“Why did you get involved?”

“What is this, 20 questions? They're police, a whole load of them all against one guy. Seemed unfair. Besides I've seen you around. I thought I'd help out.”

By now the target was much closer, and this comment seemed to strike something in him. He squinted at him for a moment, before apparently recognising him. He nodded. “All right. Who do you work for?”

Youngjae raised his eyebrows. “For?”

“Your guys.”

“I don't have any. I'm a lone wolf. Just a guy and his gun.”

“Just you,” the target said, obviously not believing him, “so what do you deal in?”

“I don't.”

“So... You're a sex worker?”

“Well... That depends on how much you're offering to pay.” Youngjae wasn't entirely sure why he'd said this, but it seemed to work. The target looked amused and lowered his gun.

“Let's pretend I didn't have that kind of money...”

“Which you do.”

“Which I definitely do. What's your usual business?”

Youngjae grinned. “Hacking.”

The target raised his eyebrows. “Hacking?”

“Yep, nothing I can't get through with a bit of time and the right software.”

“So you're good at computers?”

“Thats... That's a light way of putting it, yeah.”

The target seemed to consider him, tucking his gun away. Youngjae could tell he was being sized up for something.

“That makes sense. You have a computer-guy look.”

Youngjae tried not to take insult. “Thanks.” But he had the tone anyway.

“I appreciate your help.”

“No trouble. Next time I get you out of a fix I could do without being held at gunpoint though.”

The target laughed, deep and soft. “You think you're going to get me out of a fix again?”

Youngjae smirked. “Probably. You don't look like a computer-guy.”

“Don't push it.”

“It's not pushed.”

The target regarded him for a moment, then held out a hand. “Bang Yongguk.”

Youngjae grinned and took his hand in a firm shake. “Jae.”

“Just Jae?”

“Yeah I don't have a fancy name like yours.”

“Your family foreign?”

“Yeah sure, let's go with that.”

Yongguk gave him a curious look, but nodded. “How about I buy you a drink sometime?”

“It's be much appreciated.”

And with a last grin, they separated.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Youngjae was comfortably satisfied with his prediction.

When he next entered the bar, glancing back over his shoulder the whole way there, Yongguk was already sat at his usual corner with one of his men at his side. Yongguk waved him over, despite the suspicious glance of his companion. It brought Youngjae immense satisfaction to settle on Yongguk's other side, receiving a dirty glare.

“I believe I said I'd buy you a drink,” Yongguk said in greeting.

“I hold you up on that, you know?” Youngjae smirked.

“Good way to be. Junhong, could you order us a bottle?”

Yongguk's companion pressed his lips into a tight line and stood with an audible huff before leaving them alone.

“He seems like a lovely guy,” Youngjae said tersely.

“He struggles with new people,” Yongguk replied, “he'll come around soon enough.”

“He looks young...”

“He is. But that's his story to tell.”

He was taken aback by the statement. He hadn't exactly been asking for details, but to hear such overtly respectful words from the leader of a notorious gang... It wasn't the image he'd painted of the man. He only nodded in response, unsure how to proceed.

Yongguk didn't seem to mind the silence, and they sat quietly until Junhong returned with a bottle and three glasses. The young man poured Yongguk a glass first, then poured a second before pausing. Yongguk gave him a stern look at he pushed the glass towards Youngjae, before filling his own.

Youngjae wished he hadn't cringed so visibly at the taste.

“Strong?” Yongguk chuckled.

“It's fine,” Youngjae choked out, eyes watering and throat burning.

Junhong snorted, but his own eyes were looking a bit wet.

Just as Youngje was pulling himself back together a taller man came over to greet Yongguk. The leader stood and the men shook hands, grinning.

“You've taken a liking to this place, Bang, I see you here a lot,” the man said, amused.

“Drinks are cheap.”

The man laughed and clapped his shoulder, then spotted Youngjae. “Ah! I didn't know you were one of his now.”

Youngjae blinked and grinned a little. “No, no, I still roll alone.”

“Interesting. I might see if I could get you on my crew.”

“And ruin my life setup? You'd have to be a bit more special than that.”

“Hey watch your tongue or I'll cut it out. I doubt you need it for hacking.”

“You don't know that.”

The man laughed and patted his shoulder. “A'right. I'll see you folks around.”

When the man was gone, Yongguk looked at Youngjae with interest. “You know him?”

“We've chatted a few times. He's suggested he might hire me sometime. Never actually did, though.”

“Hm.”Yongguk studied him silently for a moment.

Youngjae sipped his drink and repressed the cringe, but as he did he noticed that Junhong was now looking at him curiously.

“You're a hacker?” Junhong asked over his glass.

“Yeah. Databases, security cameras, personal computers... That sort of thing.”

Junhong and Yongguk shared a meaningful glance, and suddenly the younger man was looking at Youngjae with a whole new expression.

Youngjae wished it didn't make him feel like a ham in a store window.

“Do you chat a lot with people in here?” Yongguk asked with all the air of someone trying to ask an important question casually.

“As opposed to sitting and drinking in silence every other evening and never getting hired once?” Youngjae raised his eyebrows, “Of course I do. I chat with most people. I need to advertise my services somehow.”

“Your hacking services?”

“Yeah, of course. Unless,” he smirked, “they're offering to pay the right kind of money.”

Yongguk laughed. Junhong looked a little confused.

“And yet you still work alone?”

“Like I said,” Youngjae grinned, “You'd have to be special.”

Yongguk nodded and drank, eyeing him the whole time with a gleam in his eye that screamed 'challenge accepted'.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“You're popular,” Junhong said one evening after the second person came to say hello to Youngjae and ask if he'd joiend Yongguk's gang, “I didn't realise you had so many friends.”

“They're not friends, they're customers,” Youngjae said, comfortably drinking the whiskey he'd come accustomed to.

“So you're friendless?”

“That's cold, Junhong,” Youngjae said, “Here I thought I could consider you a friend and neighbour.”

“The only friends we're supposed to have are our members,” Yongguk said quietly.

Youngjae hummed. “Ah, but you can have allies, right?”

The gang leader smiled a little. “We'd be in trouble if we didn't.”

“Then if you're going to be all cold and technical with me, I'm your greatest ally. Drinking ally. As long as you're still paying, obviously.” He joked.

“When was the last time you bought your own drink?” Junhong asked.

“In this economy?”

The two gangsters snorted.

“Hey, I cut corners where I can. Work pays but it doesn't pay steadily.”

“But what if it did?” Yongguk asked.

“Then I would be forced to buy my own drinks.” He sighed dramatically.

“You'd find steady money if you didn't work alone, you know. You'd be supported and surrounded by people who would provide for you,” Junhong said.

Youngjae balanced the rim of his glass against his lip, half tilted the drink, delicately positioned so it didn't pour into his mouth too soon. He lowered the glass. “Do you guys play darts?”

Junhong looked taken aback, but Yongguk only mildly intrigued.

“I started playing when I fist started drinking here. It's good to try it. Come on.” He stood, carrying his drink with him, and lead them over to the darts board. “We'll play a simple game. 501 Up. 3 darts each per round, you gotta try get your scores to zero. Anything in the double or triple rings-” he pointed to them, “are double or triple their number, outer ring is 25. Inner ring is 50.” He paused to make sure they understood. “Also, your last dart has to land either double, or a bullseye. That has to be all the points you have left. No going over, or we go again.”

The two gangsters nodded and Youngjae grinned. “Great, lets begin.”

 

As it turned out, Junhong was pretty bad at darts. His reach was long and the darts had no time to fall, but they easily got jammed in the board and needed a harsh tug to retrieve them. Also, Junhong had no idea how to throw a dart, he was clearly used to working with much heavier things. That didn't mean he wasn't trying, and he improved as the game went on, but it was difficult to watch.

Yongguk however intently watched Youngjae's every move, and asked quiet questions about his technique. At one point, while Youngjae was holding a dart, he took hold of his hand and tilted it gently to look at the position of his fingers before nodding. His fingers were jarringly soft.

The game was mostly smooth, until Youngjae was far in the lead and Yongguk put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it a little, saying, “You really are good at this,” and Youngjae messed up his whole round out of shock.

Eventually, Youngjae was left with 32 points, Yongguk with 57, and Junhong with an uncomfortable 108.

“Looks like I'm going to win. I've got no way of losing this,” Youngjae openly bragged.

“You're confident.” Yongguk sounded amused, though his expression was mild.

“Of course. Even if I mess up, I can still win. How about this. I let you go first?”

“How gracious,” Yongguk chuckled, but stepped up with his darts. His first dart hit double 3. 51.

“Bad luck, you're still in the odds.”

“I know what I'm doing.” The next dart landed hard in the bullseye.

Youngjae blinked, impressed, but grinned all the same. “Ah, 1 point left. You've ruined it for yourself.”

“Have I?”

“Yeah, you can throw that last dart for fun, but it's my win either way.”

“Would you like to bet on that?”

Youngjae smirked and stepped closer. “Sure. What's the odds?”

“I win, you join me as our new computer guy. I lose, well... You can gloat about it. And I won't have anyone come and shut you up.”

“That's a bit grim, but yeah. Alright. You're on.”

Youngjae stepped closer and they shook hands. Then Yongguk did something a bit strange. He raised his hand up over Youngjae's shoulder, and settled it at the back of his neck. He threw the dart with his other hand. Youngjae heard it thunk hard on the board.

“I split the 11,” Yongguk's low voice whispered against his ear.

Youngjae jolted and whipped around to see the dart sticking out in the middle of the 11.

“I landed my dart right in between them.”

Youngjae became intently aware of Yongguk's hand on his back.

“That's a rule they've always played here. I'm sure you're aware. My score is 0 now.” Yongguk gave Youngjae's back a pat, knocking a bit of sense into him, before walking back to the table.

“We'll meet you here tomorrow at 10pm. Then you'll be welcomed into the family,” Yongguk said, returning with his coat on, Junhong similarly redressed. “Don't be late.”

The two gangsters left Youngjae at the dart board alone. He raised his dart and flicked it at the board.

Double 16.

His score was 0.

He grinned and chuckled to himself before collecting the darts and putting them all away. Everything was going smoothly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never played darts


	4. Chapter 4

Youngjae wished he hadn't thought about those hands all night. Reporting his progress that morning had been hell. But now the real body of his work began.

He'd bought himself a drink already – or two – by the time Yongguk arrived at the bar. Instead of being followed by Junhong, who Youngjae had become quite used to, he instead was followed by a short man with scruffy dark hair and a handful of tattoos, though still held the same air of youth about him as the usual tall companion. The drastic change in heigh difference was funnier to Youngjae than it should have been.

“What happened? You knock a few inches off him?” Youngjae tried to hold back a small laugh.

Yongguk raises his eyebrows. “This is Jongup. He's one of my best.”

“I guess you went back to your guys and bragged about your win and he's come to check out the loser?”

“No. I only told them you were joining us now.”

“Oh.”

“Junhong is convincing the others not to play a violent prank on you.”

“Fantastic.”

“Don't worry about it.” Yongguk smiled and reached out to pat Youngjae's shoulder, then steered him towards the door, “c'mon, come meet everyone.”

Youngjae tried not to trip over as that hand gripped him firmly.

 

The route to the hideout was long and complicated and Youngjae struggled to memorise it as they walked, and to some degree he was convinced it was deliberately hard to find. Eventually they steered into the back of a large warehouse – typical – and soon in a large room with some seats, tables and a TV. A few men were lounging around, and all looked up curiously.

Junhong waved at him and grinned. “I stopped the bucket on the door!”

“And who's idea was that?” Yongguk asked dryly.

“Himchan's,” Jongup spoke for the first time.

A man sprawled across the couch grinned wickedly at them.

“Of course.” Yongguk sighed and patted Youngjae's back. “This is Jae, he's our new computer guy. Don't kill him. I have work to do.” With that Yongguk pulled away, but left his hand lingering a moment longer on Youngjae's shoulder before disappearing out of the room completely.

Youngjae felt suddenly exposed.

One man rolled over to him on a computer chair, eyes gleaming and grin wide.

“Hey new guy!” He stuck his hand out. “I'm Daehyun, the most handsome member of this gang.”

“Is that hand rigged with a prank?”

“I would never! Junhong made us take them off.”

Youngjae rolled his eyes and shook his hand.

“Don't worry, I'll prank you later.”

“What if I get you first?”

“Wha- No, I'm supposed to get you first. It's the initiation phase. It proves you're tough enough to survive.” Daehyun winked.

“But if I prank you first that indicates I'm smarter than that.”

Daehyun huffed. “You don't get to prank us in our own place.”

“My place too now.”

“Then it's war, and I will be really really annoyed if you do actually prank me.”

“Will you like... Put arsenic in my cereal? Is that what you guys do?”

“Huh? No, maybe I might pretend to but- what does that even mean? This is your first gang, right? Not like people hop gangs but... You've never been with people in a group before? You've never done group stuff? Is this baby's first clique?”

Youngjae resisted the urge to punch him.

“Stop antagonising the new guy.” The man sprawled on the couch – the one who had grinned at them earlier – made his way over and cuffed Daehyun across the back of the head. “Ignore him, he's an idiot.”

“Ow!”

“I'm Himchan. I'm the most handsome member of this gang, actually.”

“Sounds like internal tension and drama.”

Himchan laughed. “It's not bad, really. He's just a lot to handle.”

“I am not!”

“Good to see you've met Jongup already,” Himchan continued, ignoring Daehyun, “isn't he the greatest?” Himchan pulled Jongup towards him, smiling fondly at the smaller man.

 “We uh... Haven't talked much yet,” Youngjae admitted, giving Jongup an unsure look.

“He takes a while to get used to people.”

“Oh, like Junhong?”

The tall man looked up as his name was mentioned.

“You and Junhongie seem close already,” Himchan smiled.

Youngjae barely repressed a laugh. “Junhongie?”

“Now you've got him saying it...” Junhong sighed and headed over.

“Good, then it means we all love you and we're all going to support you growing into a fine man,” Himchan teased.

“I'm a grown adult...”

“I hope you are, if you keep growing you won't be able to get through doors,” Youngjae said.

Daehyun burst out laughing “If we go out on a raid we'll have to crunch you up like a telescope!”

“Or fold him like a a cardboard cut-out,” Jongup added.

It was Youngjaes turn to burst out laughing, spurred more by Junhong's disgruntled expression.

“Oh great, they're both loud laughers,” Himchan sighed and shook his head.

Youngjae refused to hold back his laughter, which encouraged Daehyun more.

They all soon settled into comfortable conversation, them occasionally prodding Youngjae for information and him swerving his way around it as best as he could.

He wondered if Yongguk knew he could see him hovering in the hallway, watching him with a quiet smile.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Screams echoed around the warehouse as Jongup twisted his knife in the hostage, drowned out only by Daehyun laughing and the sound of Youngjae's sick hitting the bottom of the plastic bin. He'd been fine seeing it until there had been this awful sound of... ripping flesh and fabric. Then he'd lost it.

He spat out a mouthful of stomach acid as Himchan patted his back. “I guess we should have checked if you've seen this been done before.”

“I have- I have seen...The wounds before... and... I've had- I've been-” He choked and heaved, voice thick.

“Just street fights and aftermaths?”

Youngjae nodded.

“You really are just the computer guy...”

Youngjae tried not to take offence as he spat into the bin and tried not to breathe in the smell of his own bile.

“You're going to have to get used to this, you know. Jongup does this a lot, he's our best guy for interrogation,” Daehyun said, finally calming down.

“I'll just stay at the computers, thanks.”

“What happens if you're needed to interrogate one time?”

“I'll do what you do and annoy them until they talk.”

“Hey! I do not!”

“To be fair, Daehyun, you did once talk a guy into it,” Himchan pointed out.

“That was different! I encouraged him to talk.”

“He asked Yongguk if he'd restored to psychological abuse.”

“He just didn't have any taste,” Daehyun huffed.

Youngjae coughed out another glob and took a raggedy breath, blinking away the tears that burned at his eyes.

“I hope you're not like this on a raid.” Himchan frowned, concerned.

“I'll- I'll be fine. I just...” He fought to breathe, closing his eyes for a moment.

“Hm.” Himchan didn't seem convinced. “Maybe we won't take out our for a while until we're sure you're not going to die in a corner somewhere.”

“I can handle myself,” He hissed.

“You do look soft,” Daehyun poked Youngjae's side playfully.

“Do you want to find out?” Youngjae growled.

“A full medical check-up is probably worth it,” Himchan said thoughtfully, “I'll notify Junhong.”

“Why Junhong?” Youngjae frowned.

“He's completely medically trained.”

“He is?” Youngjae blinked.

“As much as he can be without a degree.”

“Right...”

“Come on, let's move you before you start being sick again. Daehyun, go empty the bin out.”

Daehyun grumbled but complied as Youngjae was grabbed by the arm and guided out of the interrogation space.

 

“This is a lot of scars for a hacker,” Junhong remarked as he pressed his fingers against a particularly large one on Youngjae's shoulder, testing how deep the damage was.

“Yeah well, it's not always been computers.” He remembered that scar in particular, and the junkie who'd stabbed him in the back during a drugs bust.

Junhong investigated a large burn scar on his arm. “What were you doing before this?”

“Whatever got me money,” he replied. That one had been an arsonist.

“You're in good shape...” Junhong poked a more recent wound, making Youngjae flinch. “I guess you served... Did you have a full military career?”

“Sorta,” Youngjae replied, holding back a small grunt of discomfort. That one had been an armed robbery.

“You look like a patchwork blanket.”

“Great. I survive this much damage and get told I look like bedding.”

Junhong pouted a little. “It shows you're not careful.”

“Well, I try to be.”

“Your skin says otherwise.”

“Hey! It's decorative. Like... Freckles. Only instead of constellations it's lines.”

“Do they make pictures?”

Youngjae reached around and pocked one on his lower back. “This one looks like that X guy got me.”

Junhong tensed. “You know about X?”

Youngjae scoffed. “The whole city knows about X. The police are hardly hot on his trail.”

“No one knows who he is... Honestly it's making Yongguk nervous,” Junhong said quietly.

“It's making everyone nervous. And it's made my job these past few months a hell of a lot more difficult. At least now I don't have to worry so much.” This was partly true.

Junhong was quiet for a moment. “Were you a hit man?”

“Sure, if you want to put it that way.”

Junhong frowned. “You really don't want to tell.”

Youngjae looked at him with a tired expression. “Well what about you? What's a kid like you with medical training doing here?”

Junhong frowned and looked down. “Things didn't go well. Yongguk found me on the streets. Now I'm here.”

Youngjae waited quietly for a moment to see if the younger would talk more, then nodded. “And that's all I need to know, right?”

“That's all you need to know.”

“Right. That's all that matters.” He stood and grabbed his discarded shirt, then patted Junhong's head fondly. “We don't owe anyone any explanations. We just stick together.”

Junhong looked at him. “You sound like one of us already.”

“Guess I'm settling in fast.”

The younger man gave him a small smile. He returned it and left the medical wing, figuring he'd go back to his room and think about what he'd learned so far. If Yongguk was nervous, it meant that he didn't know who X was either.

He remembered the first time he'd seen X strike. A gang hideout littered in dead bodies. Everything gone. A huge X painted on the wall in blood.

His skin prickled.

 

“Junhong thinks you used to be an assassin for hire.”

Yongguk's quiet, deep voice broke Youngjae from his deep thought. He turned to face the leader, still shirtless, a few papers in front of him covered in scribbled sketches and his laptop open. “Um, Yongguk,” he stood awkwardly, a bit unsure.

Yongguk laughed quietly. “Sit down, you don't have to worry. I'm not here to tell you off for giving him fantastical ideas. I just came to check on you.”

“I'm... Fine.”

“I heard you were sick.”

“Oh.” He shifted nervously. “Yeah. It's not something I'm... Used to seeing. I'm fine, really. It was just... Different. To what I'm used to, I mean.”

“It took the others a while to get used to as well. Human beings aren't designed to find comfort in violence.”

Youngjae nodded a bit. “I'll be fine. Really. It's no trouble. I won't cause any problems with it-”

“Stop worrying.” Yongguk smiled gently. “Not all of us can do the same things. I'd never ask the others to do that sort of interrogation.”

“Daehyun has done them...”

“Daehyun does them differently, for different reasons. I don't put short-ranged weapons in Daehyun's hands. He can't handle it.”

Youngjae nodded and frowned. “What does he do then? I only just learned that Junhong has medical training...”

“He gathers information. He's very social, and very good with his words. I usually have him infiltrate groups.”

Youngjae nodded. “And Himchan?”

“He's a mechanic.”

The expression on Youngjae's face must have been comically surprised, because Yongguk let out a deep chuckle that seemed far too light-hearted and gentle for his profession. “He doesn't look it, but he's a brilliant engineer.”

“He talks like someone with a lot of money. I thought you'd tell me he hung out with rich people and get funding.”

“He could, but he doesn't want to.”

“This whole gang thing feels more complicated than it should be.”

“It's as complicated as it needs to be.”

Youngjae sighed and shook his head. “I don't know if I'm cut out for this. I'm too used to working alone. Being around other people all the time like this...”

Yongguk stepped closer and put a hand on his shoulder “Jae, you don't have to worry. Everyone works best in their own ways. I'll give you whatever you need. You're one of us now, and we'll watch your back if you watch ours.”

Youngjae swallowed and nodded.

“Judging by what you've been up to, you'll definitely hve your eyes on your backs.”

Youngjae's face paled and he glanced back at his sketches of the hideout and the laptop screen, which was visibly displaying security cameras at the doors of the hideout. “I- uh-”

Yongguk chuckled. “I'd be worried if you weren't investigating us in your first few days, you'd been too comfortable. And this proves you're up to the job. So, if you could make it that no one else can get into our cameras I'd appreciate that.”

Youngjae nodded mutely.

“Come to me if you need anything.” Yongguk squeezed his shoulder one last time, and his hand slid down his arm as he pulled away, fingers trailing over the bare skin. He turned and headed out of the room, glancing back one last time before closing the door behind him.

Youngjae let out a slow breath. This was going so much better than he expected.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Youngjae was fortunate that he was able to stay out of the way during their first raid since him joining. He was kept inside the van, playing lookout both on the doors of the rival gang hideout and keeping his eyes on the laptop screen to monitor the security cameras he'd barely broken a sweat to connect to. All he had to do was let them know about patrols and where things were.

It was tediously easy.

He entertained himself mainly by mapping out the hideout in his head. They knew about this gang already: small and new but steadily spreading into other territories. There was a fake gang stationed not too far from it – all undercover police. He'd made a steady effort to avoid them as much as he could for fear or being found out.

His eyes landed on what seemed to be a planned ambush by the rival gang, and he murmured a warning into his microphone to the others. He spotted Yongguk signal for the rest to stop and they drew their weapons.

Even on screen it was impressive. All of the members had a different energy when in a fight. Himchan was poised, taking long deliberate strides and each shot confident and articulated. Daehyun seemed to have more of a nervous energy, a gun in each hand, ensuring the enemy was down before moving on. Jongup was nearly possessed, at first seeming to be dragged along by his weapons until he would lay into his target like a demon. Junhong seemed to work mainly defensive, keeping everyone's back clear and darting around the scene wielding a stupidly large gun. Yongguk... It was strange to see him go from the gentle smiling man Youngjae had come accustomed to, to the cold and ruthless killer on screen who used his enemies as a shield and shot with such a stern advance that he resembled a one-man battalion.

When it was over everyone cleared out the goods, leaving a few alive to rush back and spread the word that they weren't welcome. Himchan gave Jongup a stern few words to stop him poking some of the bodies with his foot. There were definitely some injuries among them.

When they all returned to the van Junhong immediately dug out the mini medikit and began fussing over a large bruise on Himchan's hand, checking it for broken bones. Himchan brushed him off, indicating he check on the others first, and settled himself at the wheel. Everyone else piled into the back, rubbing bruises and holding wounds. Youngjae made an effort to be helpful, which mostly involved passing bottles of spirits to everyone either to disinfect wounds or to be drunk to numb any pain.

Junhong seemed unphased by most of the damage, and was casually bandaging a large gash on his own leg.

Back at the hideout everyone was tired and patiently waiting to be patched up. Junhong carefully stitched up the worst wounds ad bandaged the ones that would heal themselves. The rest of the time was checking head injuries for signs of concussion or disinfecting cuts.

Youngjae made his way over to Yongguk, who was pressing firmly on a bleeding wound on his side. “Need any help there? I think it will be a while until the good doctor comes your way.”

Yongguk raised his eyebrows. “You're also a doctor now?”

“No, but I've patched people up before. I know how to deal with minor bullet wounds.”

“You are an enigma. Sure.” Yongguk pulled his hand away slowly, palm shining red.

Youngjae took a bottle of spirits and some of the medical equipment and settled himself at Yongguk's side. Junhong watched him quietly, but made no complaints or move to stop him.

He was glad the wound wasn't nearly as bad as it seemed. It was shallow, the bullet having just cut through the flesh and not lodged itself in there, and only needed a few stitches. He wiped it down with a soaked cloth and held it shut firmly. Yongguk flinched when the first stitch went in, but held still until Youngjae was done. Once the bandage was finished being applied, the leader let out a slow breath.

“Where did you learn to do this?”

Youngjae grinned. “All these questions about me all the time. Are you really that taken by my handsome face?”

Yongguk snorted.

“You guys all think I'm a hitman for hire, right? I would need to know how to stitch myself up after a scuffle.”

Yongguk smiled a little.

“Besides, some people are into the medical kink, you know?”

This made the leader laugh, then wince in pain. “You are an enigma.”

“Not really. I'm hardly X am I?”

Yongguk's expression shifted, lips pressed tense and brow furrowed.

“I hear he's been causing you guys some trouble. He's definitely been making my life hell.”

“For all I know...You might be X.”

Youngjae looked at him quietly, then cupped his face in his own hands. “Would this beautiful face hide behind an ugly symbol like that?”

Yongguk cracked a small smile. “You've got my blood on your face.”

Youngjae pulled his hands away, realising they were still unwashed. “Ew, gross.”

“Now you look like you could be him.”

Youngjae huffed. “I don't have the effort for it all. Besides, red brings out my perfect complexion.”

“Well... That's true.”

Youngjae wished that hadn't affected him so much.

 

The next raid didn't go so smoothly. It started off much the same, Youngjae in the van keeping look out, but this time someone seemed to have either cottoned on or just thought of a better counter-attack. As the members were all engaged in fighting off the first ambush, a second one appeared from behind.

There was no way they'd survive completely surrounded.

“I'm going in,” Youngjae hurriedly said down the mic, and ignored the shouted responses. He was out of the van and sneaking into the building within less than a minute.

He creeped his way up the corridor, pressed into the shadows. He really wished he had his gun and not this one. He could just make out the fight at the end of the hallway, hearing the gunshots and cries of struggle. Then he saw the second group of ambushers appear just ahead of him, all armed to the teeth.

He froze and held his breath, waiting until they'd done checking for any stragglers before moving up towards the fight. He silently let the breath out, then began advancing.

He grabbed one from the back and twisted his neck, killing him silently, then put a bullet through another's head. The sound of the shot alerted the rest and soon it spilled into chaos. He ducked a blow and smacked a gun from another's hand, a well-thrown punch knocking the man unconscious. Someone came up behind him and he just managed to twist the gun from their grip and elbow them in the face, then shot another. There was a few moments where he wasn't quite sure what was going on or what he was shooting, but soon the last person fell.

He panted heavily, fully aware of the blood all over his face and down his front. The rest of the gang had by now come over to help,and all of them stared at him silently.

“I think I got shot?”

“Yeah there's a lot of blood on your shoulder,” Junhong replied.

Youngjae nodded and swallowed. There was blood in his mouth.

“Lets get back. Now.” Yongguk's tone was stern and he lead everyone out back to the van, keeping an arm around Youngjae the whole time.

 

“That was irresponsible and dangerous,” Yongguk said, glaring at Youngjae.

“I was watching your guys back, like you told me to.”

“You could have died.”

“So could you!” Youngjae glared furiously.

Junhong patted his arm gently, encouraging him to calm down and hold still as he finished stitching the wound up.

“There were other ways of dealing with the situation.”

“Like what? You all keep treating me like I've never had to deal with this sort of thing before. You've seen me fight before this. You know I can look after myelf.”

Yongguk sighed and gave Junhong a meaningful glance, and the younger boy nodded and quickly finished his work, then cleared up and left. In the silence, Yongguk settled down in front of him.

“I know I talked you into joining us, and I know you're used to working alone. But we're all a team now, and we have our roles. What we do keeps everyone safe and secure.”

Youngjae frowned and looked down at his hands.

“Hey, I appreciate it. Really. You came to protect us when you were safe where you were. It means you're really becoming one of us.” Yongguk reached out and set a hand on top of Youngjae's ans squeezed it.

It felt a bit like he'd been shot in the stomach.

“We need you alive.”

He looked up and his eyes met the leaders. They gazed at each other silently for a while before Yongguk slowly stood up. “I have a lot of work to do. I'm sure you do to.” He patted Youngjae's cheek affectionately before heading towards the door.

Youngjae turned to look at him again. “Yongguk-”

The leader looked back at him.

His mouth dried up.

Yongguk smiled a little, knowingly, then left.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops this chapter is really long.   
> Anyway as usual in my work, I've put lines where there's smut so if you're not wanting to read that you can skim right over it. There's only a little bit after it so you can skip the entire last end of the chapter if you want to.

“That was so cool how you came in,with your guns all up and you beat those guys down!” Daehyun was babbling enthusiastically. “I know Yongguk said you were good at fighting but you were like a machine!”

“I was trained to fight like that, it's pretty easy,” Youngjae humbly bragged, enjoying the attention.

“So you _are_ ex-military? Like with a proper military career?” Junhong's eyes widened.

“I didn't say that.”

“Looks more like ex-police to me.”

Youngjae glanced over to find Himchan looking at him suspiciously. He only just managed a half grin. “What, you're suggesting I'm secretly police now? I thought we were all friends.”

“Nah, you're not clever enough for that.”

Youngjae bit his tongue.

“But I reckon you definitely tried to be. Let me guess... You failed police academy for not following orders?”

“Ah, that would be really cool. I'm a tough lone wolf cop who takes orders from no one and handles justice with my own means.”

“No I meant you just didn't pay attention and thought you could do everything.”

Youngjae huffed. “Are you still in my case about this? Everything turned out fine!”

“Yeah,” Daehyun chimed in, “he was all FWAH! BANG BANG! PUNCH!”

Junhong gasped. “Were you secret services?”

Youngjae stared at him, then nodded. “If you want me to be... Yes.”

“Did you ever see an alien?” Jongup asked quietly.

Youngjae wasn't certain how sincere the short man was. “Yes. So many.”

“What do they look like?”

“Star Wars is the closest to it.”

Jongup nodded, satisfied with this answer.

Himchan sighed and shook his head. “Stop messing around, we've got a lot to sort out. Jongup, come help me with the van, I have some adjustments I want to make. Junhong, we'll be having a shipment sent in soon, I need you at the doors to bring it in. You two,” He looked at Daehyun and Youngjae for a moment, “do whatever intel stuff you're supposed to do.”

He took hold of Jongup's arm and guided him out, the shorter man frowning only for a split second before going with him. Junhong sighed and got up as well, grumbling about being bossed around.

Youngjae glanced at Daehyun. “What do you do in downtime?”

“Compile all my data and work out plans, give it to Yongguk, sometimes we work out what to do next...”

Youngjae hummed and nodded. “How did you get here? You seem... Pretty normal.”

Daehyun laughed. “Do I?”

“Yeah like... A normal dude with a day job.”

Daehyun shook his head, amused. “Nah. I grew up with this life. My dad ran a gang like this, a bit bigger though, back in Busan. I think they're still there. I check the news now and then, to see if they've been caught.”

“Must be hard, since all the crime news these days is just X.”

Daehyun nodded. “I ignore all that. I don't like hearing about it. It freaks me out.” He frowned. “I'm not supposed to, but when I'm out making connections and getting information I ask around to see if anyone knows about him. My dad, I mean. I haven't heard any bad news... But I don't hear a lot of news anyway.”

Youngjae nodded. He knew about the gang very well. Most of them had been disposed of. “So... Why are you here then?”

“Dad caught me stealing.”

Youngjae raised his eyebrows.

Daehyun laughed. “It wans't much at first, honestly. Just a little bit here and there until it got too easy to take and eventually I got sloppy and he caught me. He let me run, and I spent ages just talking my way into places to hide low until Yongguk found me.”

Youngjae nodded. “He takes in a lot of guys down on their luck.”

Daehyun nodded and smiled. “I remember when we found Jongup. He'd been with another gang and... X hit them”

Youngjae held very still, as though just moving would break Daehyun's memories.

“There was a lot of blood. He looked really scared. I think that's why he doesn't talk much to new people. But he'll warm up to you, he's a really fun guy.” Daehyun spoke very sincerely, a serious expression on his face.

“You're all so close...”

“It's how we survive. And you're one of us. You put your life on the line for us, and even though Himchan seems really mad about it, we all really appreciate it. It was good of you, even if it was dumb and dangerous.”

“I was fine!”

Daehyun grinned “You looked really cool.”

“I was cool,” Youngjae chuckled.

Daehyun chuckled as well and patted his shoulder. “Guess we better go do our thing. You've got to, uh... Make some maps or hack something I guess?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

Daehyun gave him a playful shove and got up, heading off.

Youngjae took a moment to absorb what he'd learned, then got up as well.

 

He was making his way down the corridor, wondering how to summarise the important parts to report back, when Yongguk's quiet voice interrupted him.

“Jae, come in here, I want to have a word with you.”

He doubled back a little and looked into the room. The door was usually shut, but now it was slightly open. Yongguk sat inside, shirtless, gently cleaning up the wound on his side. It was nearly healed now, for the most part.

Youngjae stepped a little into the room. It was barely decorated,note pages stuck on the walls, one bed, a messy desk and a wardrobe. Youngjae guessed it was Yongguk's bedroom.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Close the door behind you.”

Youngjae did as he was told, skin buzzing with nerves. He hadn't spoken to the leader since he'd been scolded. In fact, Yongguk had more or less avoided everyone since then.

“I was looking at your sketches of the hideout, and the assessments of blank spots. Obviously it would make sense to install more cameras, but then if someone else had a guy like you they could just break into our systems. I need your advice on the best method of covering us on all grounds.” As he spoke, the leader stood and approached Youngjae, unbothered by his half dressed state.

“Well,” Youngjae began, forcing himself to keep his eyes on Yongguk's face, “You'd need very specific models, and tactical blindspots that you know can't be exploited, and-”

Yongguk continued to close in as Youngjae spoke, looking at him intently.

“...Of course, human lookout is just as important, even if it's not 24 hours it still avoids the threat of external interference if you can trust the lookout completely. Not to mention instead of visual there's always motion sensors...”

Yongguk was very close now. “So would it be best for us to invest in something that doesn't have a visual to exploit?”

“Well... it would... Uh, surely this conversation is best with the whole gang, right? Why did we have to...”

Yongguk smirked a little. Dangerous. “If the others were to hear about my worries, it might cause a panic, don't you think?” His hand came to rest on Youngjae's hip. “They wouldn't want to know anything that might alarm them.”

Youngjae wanted so badly to melt into that touch, but the few wires in his brain still connected were screaming to abort. “Well... I guess.”

Yongguk chuckled a little, his breath light on Youngjae's mouth. “And I trust you the most with my plans. Do you trust me?”

Youngjae's brain completely shut down as Yongguk's eyes dropped down to look at his lips. “Fuck it,” he growled, and before Yongguk could even respond he reached out and grabbed the leader by the jaw, closing the gap between them and kissing him hard.

There was a still moment where Yongguk didn't respond, and Youngjae was terrified he'd made a huge fucking misjudgement, but then the leader growled and gripped his hips hard, breathing him in as he kissed back with such intensity that Youngjae shuddered with how much it was turning him on.

He wasn't sure when they'd started moving towards the bed but his senses kicked in when he realised he was being pushed back and down. He glowered and bit Yongguk's plush lower lip in defiance, making the leader gasp audibly. He pulled him down to the bed and flipped them over so he was on top of the older. He smirked at the bemused expression.

“Don't you think you take a bit too much control?” He said, then leaned down to bite into Yongguks bare collarbone, hands working their way down his chest, mapping every inch of his skin.

* * *

 

Yongguk groaned and arched his back slowly, leaning into the press of Youngjae's mouth working down his chest slowly. He jolted as Youngjae's teeth scraped over his nipple and a firm sucking kiss was bitten onto the skin just beneath. Youngjae looked up at him with a hungry expression that had never appeared on the younger man's face before.

Youngjae suspected Yongguk might be somewhat pent up, and as he sucked kisses down the man's body he pressed between his legs, his thigh rubbing against Yongguk's crotch. It evicted a breathy sound from the leader that wasn't quite enough to satisfy him. He kept grinding his thigh against his crotch, mouth sucking marks everywhere it could reach as he worked his way down, hands moving to grip Yongguk's thighs, pushing his legs apart so he was settled firmly between them.

Yongguk looked at him with a slightly confused expression, but didn't seem to oppose the position. If anything he shifted a bit just to make himself more comfortable, legs relaxed in Youngjae's hold. He watched intently as Youngjae dipped a hand down and let out another breathy sigh as he began to palm him. It wasn't long until Youngjae was undoing the buttons and zip of his jeans and tucking his hand down inside, gripping his hardening length through the thin fabric.

“Is this for real?” Youngjae asked, eyebrows raised.

Before Yongguk could ask, Youngjae was reaching into his boxers and pulling his semi-hard cock free from the fabric.

“Yongguk... Do you know that you have a big dick or did you just never notice?”

Yongguk could barely contain his laugh. “Uh... I guess...”

“I was seriously planning to fuck you into next week but I need to get a taste of this first.”

“Okay?” Yongguk blinked, a little amused by this.

Youngjae stroked his cock a few more times as he shuffled back and leaned down slowly. His tongue pressed at the underside of the swollen head, making Yongguk let out a tense groan. He grinned and dragged his tongue over it, before parting his lips to take the head into his mouth.

Yongguk closed his eyes for a moment, losing himself in the heat of Youngjae's mouth. His hand slid into the younger man's hair, fingers curling around the soft short locks. It was hardly the most amazing blow job in the world, or even the best he'd had, but fuck it had been long enough and Youngjae's tongue was tracing every vein on his cock. He tried to keep back the sounds building in his throat but Youngjae swallowed more of his length into his mouth and hollowed his cheeks, humming in a way that made Yongguk tilt his head back with a low moan and buck his hips.

Mercilessly, Youngjae pulled his lips from Yongguks cock, licking his lips. “You don't get to sound that sexy unless I can see your face,” he said smugly, and started to pull Yongguk's clothes completely off.

Yongguk didn't hesitate to help, cock twitching with need under the cool air of the room. Youngjae didn't leave him alone though, quickly ripping off his own clothes. They both took a brief moment to pause and admire each other's naked bodies.

“Uh, where do you keep your lube. And condoms. Like, in a draw or under the bed....?”

“Oh, shit, uh... There's some in a box somewhere on the desk...”

“You keep your sex stuff on your desk?” Youngjae clambered out from between Yongguk's legs, kicking the clothes to the ground as he stumbled across the room.

“Well if I'm jacking off it's usually in my seat so...”

“That's super depressing. You know that's depressing right?” Youngjae leaved over the desk and rummaged through stacks of papers until he found a cardboard box that looked like parcel packaging, and opened it to find a half empty bottle and a few loose packet condoms.

“Hm. Probably.”

Youngjae glanced back and found Yongguk sat up on the bed staring intently at his ass. He wiggled it teasingly and the leader grinned.

When he was finally settled back between the man's legs he squeezed some lube onto his fingers. “You comfy? How are we going to do this? Like doggy style or....”

“I'm not doing that. It looks ridiculous and feels ridiculous.”

“All right. I want to see your face honestly. But missionary is so awkward.” He hummed. “How about you lie on your side and I kinda get above you and kinda to the side and-”

“How about,” Yongguk gently interrupted, “You just do whatever you think works best and I'll just go with it.”

“Okay, I can do that.” Youngjae nodded and gently moved Yongguk to lie on his front, pushing his legs apart. He could sense the slight uncofortable tension from the leader and leaned down to kiss his back as he warmed the lube between his fingers and dipped his hand down.

When his first finger gently pushed in, Yongguk let out a small noise of discomfort and he kissed his back a few times to help him relax. He worked his finger slowly into him until he felt the older relax, then murmured a few encouraging words as he pushed in a second.

Yongguk took a few deep breaths as he adjusted. “Is the door locked?”

Youngjae blinked and hummed. “Should it be? Is anyone likely to walk in?”

“Not really. Maybe.”

“Should I go lock it?”

Yongguk didn't immediately answer. “If you think so.”

Youngjae raised his eyebrows. “Would you....rather I didn't?”

Yongguk didn't answer.

Youngjae smirked. “Are you getting hot at the thought of someone interrupting us?”

“No!”

“Oh, so just the threat of it?”

“I-” Yongguk began, before being cut off by a small strained moan as Youngjae curled his fingers inside him.

Youngjae smirked and continued working his fingers inside the leader, adding another, stretching and slicking him. The leader moaned quietly into the pillow, gripping the sheets as he moved back onto those fingers. It wasn't long until he was pulling them out, Yongguk panting quietly.

He shifted and stroked his own cock, which was already half awake with interest, and once it was fully standing he pulled the condom over it. He gave his cock a generous coating of lube before shifting to lean over Yongguk, one hand resting on the bed and the other gently holding his hip.

“You ready?”

“Yeah, yeah just... Do it.”

He smiled a little and leaned down to suck a kiss on the leader's back, then slowly pushed inside him. Yongguk let out a quiet groan and gripped the sheets tighter. Youngjae waited for him to adjust and nipped his back, enjoying leaving bruise marks over the tattoo on his shoulder.

“Fuck, Jae...” Yongguk growled, breath catching a bit.

“You good?”

There was a pause, then the leader nodded.

He kissed his neck and shifted them so they were on their sides, chest pressed to back, youngjae's arm firmly around Yongguk's middle. The leader glanced back at him, looking a little bit flushed, and Youngjae smiled before leaning in to suck a kiss against his neck. Yongguk groaned and he took it as an invitation to start rolling his hips in shallow, slow movements.

Yongguk relaxed against him and moved his hips back into each movement, one hand moving to grip Youngjae's arm, the other still holding the bedsheets. Once he was sure the older was fully relaxed into it, Youngjae began to make each thrust deeper, more deliberate. Yongguk groaned and his brow furrowed, upper body turning a little as he looked back at Youngjae.

“I'm going to make you moan for me,” Youngjae murmured, bucking into him a little harder. “If you moan loud enough, someone might hear.”

Yongguk barely repressed a small groan.

“If you moan very loudly they'll hear and will know not to come in.”

“Jae, fuck-” Yongguk barely managed to get the words out before a particularly harsh snap on Youngjae's hips made him gasp and let out a breathy growl.

Youngjae held the man close, fingers tracing over thin scar tissue and lean muscle as he bucked into him. He sucked a mark into his long neck, feeling the slim fingers reach back and slide into his hair once more. He growled and sucked and bit marks along his jawline, falling into a fast rhythm that drew small breathy sounds and gasps from the leader.

Yongguk's body twisted in his arms, his back pressing against the mattress so he could turn his head to face him. They kissed messily, moaning into each other's mouths, teeth catching on lips and tongues meeting unsteadily.

Youngjae's hand moved down to curl around Yongguk's shaft, squeezing and stroking it, making the leader moan louder and unrestrained. He murmured quiet encouragements against his ear.

“Jae- Fuck, fuck, Jae-” Yongguk panted, voice rough and raw and breathy.

“Are you close?” He asked, twisting his hand as he bucked into him.

“I'm... Fuck, fuck, Jae, I-”

“Are you going to cum nice and loud for me?”

Yongguk let out something that sounded like a whine. “Jae-”

He grinned and shifted, propping his upper body up a little and steadied himself to thrust deep and harder into the leader, squeezing his cock and grinding his thumb over the head. Yongguk moaned and gripped the sheets,sweat cascading down his skin, hair a mess, body flushed red. It only took a few more thrusts until he began to tense up.

“Jae- I'm...fuck!”

Yongguk came with a deep, loud moan that shook his body, cum spilling out over Youngjae's fingers. His body tensed and twitched around his cock enogh to send him over the edge as well, climaxing inside him with a low moan.

He flopped down onto the mattress again and panted heavily, both of them sticky and exhausted. Youngjae shifted to pull out, making Yongguk grunt a little with discomfort. He tied the condom and threw it vaguely where the bin was, but didn't check. They both lay on the bed, struggling to catch their breath.

* * *

 

Youngjae glanced over and found Yongguk gazing at him. They watched each other in silence before Yongguk raised a hand to cup Youngjae's cheek and kissed him slowly. He melted against him, eyes fluttering shut as he savoured the feeling of his lips. It was comforting, at least, that it had been just a bit more than sex for Yongguk as well.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, lines to divide where the smut is if you wanna skip.

Reporting back on his findings had been hard enough, but spending the rest of the day avoiding eye contact with everyone else in the gang had been excruciatingly uncomfortable. He'd assumed that this was a normal thing that happened, that members would just end up sleeping with each other sometimes. With a group of people that close in close confines all the time, surely it would happen? Right?

It hadn't felt that way when he'd seen Junhong the next morning and the younger man had stared silently at him for a while, then awkwardly looked away with a mumbled greeting. It felt even worse when he bumped into Himchan when going to grab himself food, and the mechanic gave him a stern, disapproving expression.

Yongguk hadn't left his room. Something about wanting to read over some plans and make sure there were no obvious flaws. Youngjae was pretty sure he didn't want to be seen limping around the hideout. Maybe he knew he'd be followed around with curious stares and disapproving frowns.

It was easier to retreat from their judging gazes – or in Daehyun's case, smug teasing – and return to bed.

Not his own, obviously.

He'd tried to make it a casual thing. Just the two of them discussing plans and working out next steps. The problem was that Yongguk had stayed naked and splayed himself out over the bed, chewing on his pen as he stared at his note pages. Youngjae couldn't help tracing the faint scars on his skin with his eyes, then his hands, then his tongue.

* * *

 

He'd ended up on top of the leader, stripped of his own clothes, hips pressed together as they rutted against one another, stiff shafts grinding against moving skin. Their hands had at some point found each other, fingers laced. Their mouths bumped against each other, kissing messily or just breathing each other in.

Youngjae could barely get enough of the sound of Yongguk's quiet moans, the intense dark gaze whenever their eyes met, the way his skin would flush all the way down his neck and he'd lean his head back whenever Youngjae gave in and sucked on his adam's apple. For a guy who ept complete control during his usual day-to-day, Yongguk seemed to turn into putty almost immediately when Youngjae got his hands on him.

He could feel Yongguk shifting and tensing beneath him, low moans short and slightly shaky. He sucked a mark onto his jaw then freed a hand to lick it, sliding it down between them to squeeze their shafts together, stroking them in uneven firm movements.

It was enough. Yongguk panted and gripped Youngjae's hair with his free hand, brow furrowing and eyes fluttering closed. A moment later he let out a long, low moan and released.

The younger grinned and kept moving his hand until he climaxed a moment later, his groan muffled by Yongguk's mouth meeting his. He kissed him hard, teeth knocking, but neither minded much.

* * *

 

Youngjae moved to lie beside him, face buried into his neck. He knew they needed to wipe themselves clean but he wasn't interested in moving just yet.

Yongguk's phone hummed from the desk.

“Ignore it,” Youngjae mumbled, nuzzling him.

It hummed again.

“I think I should-”

“No, we only just got done. Rest,” Youngjae complained.

It hummed again.

“Jae-”

“Yongguk.”

The leader frowned. “I'm checking it.”

Youngjae huffed as Yongguk pulled away, getting up to grab his phone. The older had the thought to grab some tissues from his desk and throw them to Youngjae, who cleaned himself up. Yongguk never seemed so bothered about it. He wondered if the older enjoyed the feeling of being messy.

Yongguk checked the messages on his phone and stiffened as he stared at the screen, dead silent. Youngjae watched him carefully, feeling the tension radiating from the older man.

“What is it?”

Yongguk didn't immediately respond, but moved to grab his clothes, wiping himself clean qucickly.

Youngjae sat up. “What's happened?”

“Get dressed.”

“Yongguk, tell me what's going on.”  
“That's an order.”

Yongguk's voice was stern. This was no longer the smiling gentle Yongguk who let his hands wander and cuddled in his sleep. This was the gang leader Yongguk who ordered men to be tortured for information and shot people like it was a casual past time.

Youngjae swallowed and nodded, grabbing his clothes. He was dressed in less than a minute and stumbled after the leader, who wasted no time in marching towards the gathering room, loudly calling out for a meeting.

 

“The south side gang infiltrated our territory this month. They've been dealing out from one of our unused blocks.” Yongguk held his hand up quickly, silencing the angered cries of the others. “I already knew this. I've been monitoring it for a while. I was drawing up plans to run them out and get their haul. But that's been compromised.”

“What do you mean?” Himchan asked, frowning.

“X struck last night. They're all dead. Everything cleared out.”

They sat in stunned silence.

“X is now in our territory.”

“He might have left?” Junhong suggested.

“I doubt it. He's been slowly working closer. We need to tighten and secure the hideout as soon as possible. Jongup,” he looked at the younger man, “you were on lookout last night. Did you notice anything?”

Jongup looked a little guilty.

“Out with it.”

“I was... Smoking.”

Yongguk pinched the bridge of his nose. “How many?”

“Three.”

“Of fucking course,” the leader breathed. “Can you remember anything?”

Jongup shook his head.

Yongguk sighed heavily. “I'm going to need you to either quit, or take your work more seriously.”

Jongup nodded quickly, looking worried.

Daehyun reached over and gave his shoulder a comforting pat.

“I need all of you to work harder than you ever have. Daehyun, I need you out on the field gathering as much information as you can. Himchan, I need you to order in some things for me to monitor the turf. Junhong, Jongup, I need you both on look out. Youngjae, get into all our security footage and see if you can get a visual on this guy and if he's been seen in any other security tape before. We need to know what to expect.”

Everyone nodded and immediately stood, rushing to do as they were told. Himchan made his way to Youngjae.

“Jae, we need to talk.”

“If this is about last night or earlier today I am really not in the mood to-”

“No, God, I really don't want to hear those details. Maybe another time you can fill me in but not now. I need your advice on what to install.”

Youngjae was a little taken aback, but nodded. Himchan grinned, all teeth and disarmingly handsome.

“Good. Meet me in the garage in fifteen minutes, grab whatever you need.”

 

It turned out that working with Himchan involved a lot of looking at things that they could purchase, and Himchan working out how to build it for much cheaper and get it done before shipping would even get it to a safe location. It also involved a lot of coffee.

Youngjae watched Himchan pry open an infra red scanner for the parts. “How did you end up here? You seem like someone who could live easily without being in a gang.”

Himchan snorted. “It's not about living easily.”

“Isn't it?”

Himchan stopped what he was doing and gave Youngjae a small smile. “I lived that life. It was dull as hell, and I hated it.”

“So... What happened?”

“My folks died.” Himchan set the scanner aside, apparently deciding he'd rather poke through a tray of circuit boards.

“Oh... My condolences.”

“Yeah don't bother. It was years ago now. Long story short supporting myself on a dull day job was pure horse shit. No one hires cultural degrees unless you go into tourism, and I just...” He shook his head. “I went out drunk one night, picked a fight with someone. Turned out to be Yongguk. Since then we've been friends.”

“That's.... Wow.”

“Now your turn.”

Younjae frowned. “Huh?”

“I opened up to you, now you open up to me.”

“I was secret services, but I broke the rules and went rogue after fighting back an alien invasion. The aliens gave me incredible knowledge of technology and now I'm cursed to only hack until the day I die.”

Himchan threw a plastic cover at him and Youngjae smacked it out of the air, laughing.

“I'm serious. Open up to me.”

“It's really not that exciting. I learned how to hack when I was a teenager. Turns out people will pay good money for it. Turns out people also get pretty angry when they work out you hacked them. I just drifted around looking for work.”

Himchan looked at him with an unreadable expression before sighing. “That's all I'll get from you, I'm guessing.”

Youngjae hummed and nodded. “For now. But I will say something else. X made my job really damn hard. Wherever he strikes, I end up getting hurt in the process. I want him gone.”

“You and me both, Jae.” Himchan gave him a half smile.

Youngjae returned it, wishing it didn't hurt to do so.

 

It was late into the night when they were almost done, and Youngjae retreated to his room. He checked his private phone to find a long, detailed message sent to him from his superiors. He sat in silence for some time as he read it, then looked up at the ceiling and let out a slow breath. He would only report back one last time. Then it was all over.

He glanced at the doorway for a moment, and spotted someone walk past. He blinked and stood, making his way over to peer out.

Yongguk was heading towards his room, shoulders tense. Youngjae glanced back at his room. Bare. Empty. He grit his teeth and stepped out, following after the leader.

“Yongguk,” he said gently.

The leader turned to look back at him, a bit startled. “Jae. It's late. You should be asleep.”

“So should you.”

“I've got a lot to do.”

“We all do.”

“Yeah, well I'm going to keep working.”

“Yongguk.” Youngjae frowned and stepped closer. “You can't get anything done if you overwork yourself and burn out.”

“I have too much to do,” Yongguk said and tuned away, heading to his room.

Youngjae followed after him. “You have to rest, you have to let your head clear.”

Yongguk ignored him, reaching his room and stepping inside. Youngjae immediately followed him.

“Yongguk-”

“What am I supposed to do, Jae?” Yongguk snapped, “Just relax while we're being infiltrated by one of the most dangerous people in the city?”

Youngjae bit the inside of his lip, holding back the desperate need to scream and explain everything. “Don't shout at me when it's not me you're angry at.”

Yongguk deflated at this and turned away, dropping his notebook onto his desk. “I'm just stressed.”

“I know.” He stepped closer, letting the door close behind him. He reached out and gently took hold of Yongguk's hand. “I'm here for you, okay?”

Yongguk looked back at him, face lined with stress and worry. He looked down at their hands, seeming conflicted. Youngjae knew he'd have trouble making the decision, so he moved to encourage him to the right one. He stepped closer and cupped Yongguk's cheek, stroking his thumb over the smooth skin, before leaning in to kiss him slowly.

Yongguk slowly relaxed into it, lacing his fingers with Youngjae's, letting the younger kiss away his stress. Youngjae moved closer to him, pressing their bodies together. He slowly broke the kiss to trail smaller kisses down his jaw and neck.

“I'm gona make you feel good, okay?” Youngjae murmured against his skin.

Yongguk nodded. “Okay.”

* * *

 

Youngjae kissed his collar gently then shifted to kneel in front of him. His hands worked quickly to open his jeans and palm him through his boxers, making the leader groan quietly. It wasn't long until he could feel him hot and firm in his hand, and he pulled the boxer waistband down.

Once Yongguk's cock was free, he wrapped his fingers around the base and gave it a few long, slow licks, then took the head into his mouth. He moved his head at a slow pace at first as he sucked, letting Yongguk get used to it, then slowly started to take more into his mouth. His tongue mapped each inch, tracing veins and lapping the underside.

Yongguk slid a hand into his hair, breath catching as Youngjae's mouth worked around him. It was slow, but intense, hands on his thighs and that cute round nose against his crotch. When the younger glanced up at him, checking for a response, he could barely contain the flush spreading across his face and the groans of pleasure.

It wasn't long until Yongguk groaned and gripped Youngjaes' hair. “Jae, I'm... I'm gona...” He gave Youngjae's hair a slight tug.

Youngjae pulled his lips off Yongguk's cock and palmed his balls, kissing the side of the shaft and murmuring encouraging words.

Barely a few seconds later Yongguk came with a deep grunt, spilling onto Youngjae's cheek. He stared at the sight, slightly embarrassed, but Youngjae only wiped it off with a hand and straightened up to kiss him again.

“Get on the bed and take your clothes off. I want to ride you.”

Yongguk nodded mutely and did as he was told, undressing and making himself comfortable. Youngjae gathered the lube and condoms and undressed himself. He propped himself over Yongguks legs and slicked his own fingers, then made a quick effort of stretching himself.

It was a bit unsteady at the angle he was working at, but he wanted Yongguk to see. He wanted to make a show for the leader, let him watch his fingers disappear inside his own body, moan quietly, let him know what was to come. Judging by Yongguk's somewhat hazy, awestruck expression he was doing okay.

When he was done he reached down stroking Yongguk's cock to stand, then covered it with the condom. He covered his shaft in lube, then shifted to straddle his hips.

Yongguk stared at him, amazed.

“You ready?” Youngjae asked, a little breathless.

Yongguk nodded. “Yeah, as long as you are.”

Youngjae nodded,wishing his face didn't burn a little, and slowly lowered himself down. He gasped slightly as the thick shaft entered him and inched it bit by bit inside him until it was nearly completely buried inside, his hands pressed on Yongguk's chest to hold himself up.

He felt Yongguk shift a bit and glanced up to find the leader giving him a concerned look. He smiled, and relaxed as the leader raised a hand to stroke his face. Nuzzling his palm gently, he began to move.

It was slow, in deep circular roles of Youngjae's hips. Their eyes locked, Yongguk's hands freely exploring Youngjae's body as the younger rocked himself. Yongguk couldn't help admiring the strength in Youngjae's body, hidden beneath soft skin and patchwork scars. Without any tattoos his body was a blank canvas, and Yongguk readily leaned close to decorate his shoulders and chest with bruising bites, sucks and kisses.

Youngjae moaned quietly, gripping Yongguk's hair, then pushed him flat against the bed. He shifted up, changing his posture slightly, and rest a hand back against Yongguk's thigh, then started to move again. His hips bounced up and down Yongguk's shaft more quickly, each thrust down pushing his cock deep inside him. Low moans spilled from his lips, met with growls and groans from the leader.

Faster, deeper, harder he moved, sweat trickling down his chest and back, thighs strained from effort. Yongguk's hands mercilessly stroked, caressed, pinched squeezed.

“Fuck!” Yongguk's cock hit his sweet point and he bounced hard on it, doing everything in his power to hit it again and again. His eyes had closed and he forced them to open, looking down at Yongguk who stared at him with a rapturous expression. It pushed him over the edge and he threw his head back, letting out a cry of pleasure as his orgasm waved over him.

He was briefly aware of Yongguk gripping his thighs, hips bucking, and moaning before his cock twitched inside him as he released. His skin tingled and his brain felt cloudy. He looked down at Yongguk, his parted lips, his messy hair, his flushed skin, his dark shining eyes. His chest ached.

He leaned down, letting gravity take over for a moment, and kissed the leader hard. They grunted against each other's mouths and shifted, Yongguk pulling out and Youngjae falling onto his side. There was some scuffling and confusion, but soon they were both comfortably locked in the other's embrace, the bed sheets pulled over them.

* * *

 

Yongguk kissed Youngjae's skin lazily, stroking circles into his side. Youngjae watched him quietly.

“Yongguk?”

“Hm?”

“How did you end up here?”

Yongguk hummed. “Didn't have anywhere else. I was always on the streets.”

“That's... Really sad.”

Yongguk shrugged a little. “It's life.”

Youngjae hummed and trailed his fingers down Yongguk's arm.

“What about you? Doesn't make a lot of sense than you were working alone.”

Youngjae traced patterns on Yongguk's biceps. “I wasn't. Originally. I had a team.” He swallowed. “X got them.”

Yongguk blinked and stared at him, wide-eyed.

“Believe me when I tell you, I am not trying to get in the way of what you're doing. I just want that person gone. But I'm scared. Really scared.”

Yongguk stroked his cheek, gaze soft. “I'm sorry, Jae.”

“There's nothing to be sorry about...” He nuzzled his palm and sighed a little. “You'd tell me if you were X, right?”

Yongguk smiled just slightly. “I'm sure I would. But I'm not X.”

“You promise?”  
“Of course.” Yongguk leaned in and kissed him slowly.

Youngjae reciprocated, raising a hand to cover Yongguk's, wanting to feel his touch against his cheek forever.

“Jae.”

“Hm?”Youngjae opened his eyes to find Yongguk watching him with a very serious expression.

“I love you.”

He might as well have shot him. Yongguk didn't break eye contact or change his expression once. Youngjae stared back, his heart in his throat, the weight of Yongguk's body against his. He didn't reply, just leaned in and kissed him slowly. He kept kissing him and stroking his hair until the leader fell asleep in his arms. He spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Following orders was easy. He didn't have any keepsakes or belongings that were actually his in his room, so he could leave it all except his phone. There was this ridiculous piece of costume jewllery, a big silver cross that was meant to make him look more the part, and he'd debated taking it just for the sake of having something to remember it all by. He decided to leave it.

It was early, but Yongguk didn't complain or as questions when he said he was going to get some work done. He wished he could have stayed, held the older man close and buried his face in his soft hair, memorised every dip and mark on his body, given him everything he wanted. Instead he only stroked his hair one last time, biting down on his lip to stop it trembling, and left.

The morning air was cool. He hadn't seen anyone as he'd left. It was probably better this way.

It was some ways out of the turf that he met the 'gang'. They were all undercover police who'd been there for years, and the tired lines on their faces showed how it had affected them. No words were said. They simply shook hands, and left.

 

He felt the men could be a little less rough with the pulling his hair and smacking him about. Yeah it was supposed to look realistic but they didn't have to actually leave a mark, the make-up was doing it enough.

He looked down at the sign and sighed. $10,000,000 was a lot of money. He doubted Yongguk had that much, but then he wouldn't be surprised if it was all part of some additional elaborate scheme his superiors had to put the men behind bars.

He wasn't even worth that much. Not even half. At this point he felt barely worth the clothes on his back. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Yongguk's face in the dark room: hair messy, skin flushed in the after-glow, slightly swollen lips parting to speak.

_I love you._

_I love you._

He shook his head a little, trying to shake it from his mind like dust.

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

“Having a hard time adjusting?”

Youngjae looked over, a little dazed. “Huh?”

The 'leader' of the 'gang' gave him a somewhat sympathetic look. “It messes with your head, right? Getting undercover, becoming someone else, getting close to people... Then just ripping out of it. Makes you start forgetting who you are.”

Youngjae set the sign aside and hummed. “It's gotta be harder for you guys.”

The man shrugged. “We have each other. You? You were by yourself, right? Just you alone in the lions den.”

“It didn't feel like a lions den.”  
“Yeah well, that's the thing about going into these situations. You realise people are just people no matter what they're doing, and they've always got a reason to be there. I've handed in a few guys who'd ended up out here because their dads hit 'em or they went to crappy schools and never found work. It's shitty as hell, but the best way to keep going is just to know: just because these guys got it bad doesn't mean they get to make it bad for the rest of us.”

Youngjae wished that bit of wisdom meant anything to him. “Shouldn't there be better government systems in place to help people in hard situations to prevent them making gangs?”

“Maybe in a nice fancy world where everyone's got the money to do that.” The man shrugged. “But there ain't. Only charities they can rely on. So we gotta clear up the mess.”

He looked at his hands. They were bruised and had red smears on them. Some of his nails were cracked and chipped. “I think I need to... Sit down. Somewhere.”

The man nodded. “Down the hall, first right. There's a kitchen with a coffee machine. There's a phone as well, but all the calls are traced. You can use it to call your precinct if you want.”

“I don't have one any more,” Youngjae replied quietly, then left.

 

Coffee was weak, tasteless. He turned the phone receiver around in his hand before putting it back on the hook. He could hear everyone talking around the fake hideout. Or maybe it was a real hideout, but for police. Day 2 and he was still moping around with nothing to do, only answering the occasional questions and repeating himself over and over again. Yongguk had received the USB with the ransom video.

He wanted to go home.

He wanted 'home' not to be Yongguk's bed.

He wanted to turn it all off and go back to his apartment with his big cosy bed and his record collection and his bath with all the nice fancy smelling soap he'd bought.

A major robbery had been reported. Secure vehicle transporting bank deposits had been cleared out. A hell of a lot of money stolen.

 

Day 3. Or at least the very early hours of. His makeup had been touched up and they'd headed down to an abandoned underground train station for the ambush.

He wondered if Yongguk liked fancy soap.

It didn't mater.

He sat against the wall feeling sick.

This was the end.

_I love you._

 


	10. Chapter 10

Yongguk's face looked like thunder. It sent a cold chill down Youngjae's back as he was pulled up and displayed like meat. Yongguk dropped the briefcase of stolen cash to the ground. It raised a cloud of dust that for a moment Youngjae was entranced by, briefly letting the swirling cloud allow him to imagine another universe where he genuinely was one of them and this was a far more life-threatening scenario.

It cleared away quickly.

The case was checked. Just for show. They knew it was there.

He was shoved forward, into the no-mans land between them. It seemed to take eternity to cross, like it was the point on the edge of death.

He fell into Yongguk's open arms, breathing in his smell, melting beneath the hand on his back. Oh God, he loved him.

_Oh God._

_Oh God._

The station echoed with the trampling sound of heavy boots, riot shields and batons. Yongguk tore away, the whole gang scattering. He stood numbly where he was.

They were surrounded. It was hopeless.

Yongguk turned as he looked around. Their eyes met.

He knew immediately.

A man in full riot gear approached, saluted. It felt so ridiculous now to be addressed so formally like this it was almost laughable. The man handed him his badge.

His badge.

His pride, his life's work.

It felt as useless as the stupid costume jewellery cross. He wiped some dirt off it and looked at Yongguk. He couldn't speak. He raised it silently, as though showing him might be less offensive than saying the words aloud.

Yongguk stared at it and frowned like a confused child when the world suddenly changes. It was cute in a heart-achingly tragic way. Then the leader's expression changed. Their eyes met. His steady gaze spelled murder.

He wished he'd been shot.

The police began to round everyone up and he turned, feeling his insides slowly crumble to tiny pieces, and walked away. No one touched him. He was a solitary lonely valley in mountains of chaos.

There was a sound of scuffling and shoes scraping on floor, men wrestling angrily.

“Jae!” Yongguk's voice bellowed through the station, ricocheting off the walls and hitting him in the chest.

He bit his tongue hard and kept walking.

Outside was packed with police vans, containment vehicles, cars and officials. The wind was cold and burned his eyes, making them water. They spilled over down his cheeks, burning trails in their wake. He was ushered into a car.

His badge cut into his fingers where he held tightly.

 

 

**END ACT 1**


	11. INTERVAL PART 1

**INTERVAL**

 

His gun was worn, a little scratched, in need of a polish and hardly ever used. A standard service pistol given to all police. It was _his_ gun.

For a brief moment as he held it, it felt like a stranger.

“Oh my God, you really are here.”

Youngjae looked up at the voice and spotted another man entering the room. His face pulled into a tired smile. “Jaebum, you're still in this precinct? They didn't fire you yet?”

“Why would they, I'm the best they have.” He chuckled and settled down in a chair opposite Youngjae, eyeing him. “Heard all about your undercover work. You really got in close with their leader.”

Youngjae hummed and set his gun on the nearby desk, not wanting to look at it any more. “Maybe too close.”

“Keep your enemies closer, as they say.” Jaebum smiled at him, taking in the lines around his face. “All your intel really helped. They're certain one of those guys knows who X is. It'll probably be a few hours in interrogation and we'll practically have him.”

He hummed in response. “Sounds like what they told me before I did this whole thing. I think they put it to an end because it was worthless.”

Jaebum sighed and shrugged. There was no point arguing. “So what happens now?”

“For us or for them?”

“For you.”

Youngjae looked down at his fingers. His nails were scraped and there were indents in his skin where he'd clutched the gun. “I'm going into therapy for a while. Standard procedure for coming out of undercover work. Get my head back in the right place. Once I'm fit for work again they'll find me a new precinct.”

Jaebum nodded slowly. “Will you still be in the city?”

He shrugged. “Probably not. After the... Disaster... It was recommended I eventually be moved somewhere quieter.”

“This is the first time I've seen you in over a year and you're telling me you won't even be around for us to catch up.”

Youngjae smiled weakly. “What have you been doing without me?

“That's a funny story actually. I got assigned a partner and his name is Youngjae too.”

He stiffened. “What?”

“Yeah, he's a really great guy. It's a bit like having you around except he's not an asshole.”

“Hey, I am a wonderful person and the only Youngjae you need.”

“You're never around so technically he's the only Youngjae I need.”

“Here I thought I could trust you...”

“Awh, Youngjae. Of course you can. But I have to go now. Call me some time and tell me how therapy is going, yeah? We can go grab lunch together when you're not still considering robbing and killing people.”

“Shut up,” Youngjae grumbled.

“Don't forget,” Jaebum insisted as he got up, “and do what they tell you in therapy, don't do that thing where you close yourself off and make it hard for everyone.”

“Go away already!”

“See you around, Youngjae!”

 


	12. INTERVAL PART 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the chapter organisation chaos over the past few days i really do not know what happened there. This is a big one for slower updates and all that.

“They won't break,” an exhausted officer lamented, “not for threats, not if we tell them others already spilled, not for bribe.”

“Look, it's a lot to ask, but they won't expect it,” another began carefully – the head of the local precint with a name Youngjae barely bothered to remember - “do you think you can get 'em to crack?”

Youngjae wished he could just go home.

 

**JUNHONG:**

 

The youngest looked up with wide, alarmed eyes as Youngjae stepped in.

“Relax. It's just me. No armed police this time.”

The small joke didn't go down well. Junhong looked sick.

“Oh God, please don't look at me with those hurt puppy eyes,” he bemoaned, dragging himself to the empty chair.

“You betrayed us.”

He didn't respond, just settled in the seat and adjusted his coat. Junhong watched him with tight lips and a strong glare, eyes shining. In the silence the youngest sniffed a few times and looked away.

“Junhong,” Youngjae said quietly.

The youngest tensed, biting the inside of his lip.

“I know you don't want to talk to me. You don't trust me, you probably hate me... I didn't want it to all happen like this.”

“You lied to us!” Junhong spat, “You lied and stabbed us in the back and pretended to be our friend and tricked us into believing your bullshit-” He clenched his handcuffed hands into fists, pressed his mouth into a tight line and looked away, breath caught and face contorted in anger and hurt.

Youngjae felt his heart sink. “Junhong... Yes I lied to you about who I was, and what I was doing... But I never lied about you being my friend. You're a good person, and smart as they get. I really valued your company.”

Junhong swallowed. “But you did this anyway.”

He took a careful breath. “This isn't a personal thing, Junhong. It's not even about the whole gang. We know one of you is X- and don't try to defend them,” he added quickly when he saw the other's mouth open furiously, “we already know. It's too late. All you have to do is tell me who it is, and everyone will be okay.”

Junhong glowered at him. “No one is X.”

“Junhong-”

“Jae,” the younger cut in, keeping their eyes locked with a fierce determination he'd only seen in the heat of battle, “I never lied to you. Please listen to me. None of them are X. I'm telling you the truth.”

Youngjae watched him silently for a moment, then sighed and nodded. “Okay. I believe you.”

“You do?”

“Well... I believe you don't know, and that's your truth.”

“It's the truth.”

“Yeah,” he nodded and slowly stood.

As he reached the doors he heard the youngest speak up again: “Jae?”

He glanced back.

“Are they gonna lock us up?”

He took in the wide, young eyes and worried tension around his brows. “I don't know how much this means to you, but you have my word I will not let them do that.”

 

**JONGUP:**

 

Jongup was investigating the handcuffs when Youngjae entered, and glanced up at him with a startled and confused expression.

“I lied to you,” Youngjae said as he sat, “about who I am.”

“You never saw an alien.”

“No.”

Jongup looked away, grinding his teeth a little. Youngjae watched him closely. The guy was an enigma with a cool exterior most of the time, but the more of him he'd seen the stranger the guy was. Capable of blood thirsty violence but also an almost cute childishness. He wondered if it was trauma from the X attack. If X attacked.

“Daehyun said they found you after your whole gang was murdered.”

Jongup tensed.

“Why weren't you dead?”

Jongup turned to him slowly, eyes hazy for a moment as though his mind had gone somewhere else, somewhere painful. “I hid.”

“You hid?”

He nodded. “I heard.. The first screams. I thought it was a police raid. There was a hidey-hole in the old hideout, like an old fireplace with a cover. I was smaller then. I fit inside it and waited.”

Youngjae searched the man's face. “How long were you there?”

“I don't know. A day, I think.”

“You spent... A day inside a tiny box in the wall?”

Jongup frowned and looked away. “You would too, if you heard it.”

“Oh I've heard it. I've heard it very clearly.”

Jongup immediately turned to look at him again.

Youngjae kept his focus. “I've been there. I've seen people close to me dead all over the floor. I know what that screaming sounds like.” He leaned in a little. “How well do you know it?”

Jongup swallowed. “What do you mean?”

“I've watched you shred a man's insides just to know where he was shipping crack out to. I've seen you shoot three men to death without hitting any major organs. I once saw you stab someone just because you could. Who's to say you didn't kill them yourself?”

Jongup responded immediately, throwing himself forwards and jerking as the handcuffs restrained him. “You take it back!” he spat, “you take that back right now! You don't know what it was like! You don't know how dark it was in there, how loud they were, how close it was! I was alone and terrified and I could have died! I lost my brothers to that X fucker! I'll never forget what it sounded like, the smell of all that blood. I survived when they didn't and I'll always have that hanging over me. So if I seem a bit weird to you? I don't give a shit. I don't give a fuck about what you have to say. I'm trying to stay alive.”

Youngjae was leaning away by the time Jongup was done. “Jeez man, okay. Sit down. I was just testing.”

Jongup dropped down into the chair, panting a little and teeth grit.

“But one of you is X.”

Jongup flinched like he might start again.

“I don't know which one of you it is. But it's one of you. And I'm going to capture X, and I'm going to get rid of him. I'm going to avenge those I lost. So how about you tell me who it is.

“If I knew... He'd be dead.”

“Well said. But that's not an answer.”

“I know them. They took care of me. None of them are X. If they were, they'd just have finished me off like my old gang.”

“Right.” Youngjae nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “Okay. Well. If I find out, I'll tell you.”

“And I'll kill him.”

“Not really, but I like the attitude.” He stood slowly and looked down at the younger man, and felt pity. “We'll get you something. Therapy or a panic room or whatever you need.”

Jongup didn't reply.

He gave him one last look over, then left.

 

**DAEHYUN:**

 

He was alarmingly predictable. As soon as Youngjae stepped in the room Daehyun jumped to his feet, nearly breaking his wrists on the handcuffs attached to the desk.

“Jae! You bastard! You asshole!”

“Jesus christ, I just want to talk!”

“Fuck you! Fuck you!” Daehyun spat at him, teeth bared in a strained grimace and eyes watering.

“Daehyun! Daehyun, calm down, please calm down, I need to talk to you.”

“You bastard, you fucking asshole-”

“I know! I know that! Just shut up and sit down!”

Daehyun grit his teeth and looked as though he might try to break something, but his shoulders soon slumped and he fell back down into his chair. Youngjae let out a sigh of relief and settled in the chair opposite him, eyeing the distance between them in case it was too narrow.

“You betrayed us.”

“Yeah. Yeah I know. Sorry.”

“Sorry? Is that all you have to say?”

“No. Honestly I have a lot to say. I haven't slept properly in days. I think I broke Yongguk's heart, and then I think I broke my own. I felt sick the entire time it was happening and since then I've been wishing for something that could turn back time and change it all. I went into this thinking I'd just snoop around some dirty criminals and solve a case, and instead I got close to some of the best people I've met in my whole life and felt like I actually belonged somewhere for the first time in a long time. The system is bullshit and sometimes I hate my job. Being here now, sat across from you... I feel worthless, and I can't do anything to fix this. I'm sorry, Daehyun. I fucked up, and you shouldn't forgive me.”

Daehyun frowned down at his hands and looked away, lips tense and brow furrowed. “Why are you telling me this?” He asked quietly.

“Because I like you. Because you're a good guy and you don't deserve this.”

“Oh, are you pitying me now?”

“No. I know you're better than that. I just hate myself.”

Daehyun chewed his lip and looked at him, uncertain. “Why'd you do it?”

“X,” he replied, feeling drained. “We know that one of you is X-”

“That's not true!”

“Yes it is! Look, Daehyun, I don't want to sit here and argue with you. That's a waste of time and you know that. Things are really complicated and confusing, but every piece of evidence and intel points to you guys, and you're so tight-knit we can't divide you apart, and if we don't work out who it is you all get fucked up. You just have to tell me who it is.”

“It's none of them!”

“Is it you?”

“Jae!”

“Daehyun!” Youngjae jolted up, hands slamming on the table. “Are you X?”

Daehyun stared at him open mouthed. “No,” he said after a pause, incredulous.

“Then who is?”

“No one.”

“Daehyun!”

“I don't know! I don't know, okay? Jae, we're not X. None of us are X. Or, I don't know that anyone is. I don't know. I don't...” He shook a little and took a breath. “You tuned out to be a police spy. I don't want to imagine one of my brothers as that monster.”

Youngjae slowly deflated and settled back into his seat. “Alright. Okay. I believe you. You don't know.”

“Thank you.”

Youngjae looked at the other man, who was visibly tired and stressed. “I don't know what will happen to you now.”

“I guess they'll put us all behind bars for life.”

“I'll see what I can do to lessen the sentence, but your family ties will make it a lot harder for you.”

Daehyun nodded. “I get it.”

“Maybe I can pull some strings and we can get you rehabilitated? Get you working as a permanent undercover?”

“I would honestly rather die.”

“That's fair.”

Daehyun smiled at him and he smiled back, then stood slowly. Daehyun let out a heavy breath and they gave each other a last look, neither knowing when they'd see each other again but knowing it would happen again one day, then Youngjae left.

 

**HIMCHAN:**

 

Himchan wathed him steadily until Youngjae sat opposite him.

“So I was right. Police.”

“Yeah, but not ex-police. Still here, still wearing the shield.”

“It's a bad look on you.”

“Thanks,” Youngjae replied dryly.

“So how long were you planning it?”

“Not as long as you think.”

Himchan raised his eyebrows.

“Originally it was just... poke around, find evidence, report back... The whole kidnapping charade was a bit last-minute. We hoped it would clear things up.”

“And what were you looking for?”

“X.”

Himchan raised his eyebrows. “You think one of us is X?”

“We know one of you is X. Don't play dumb, Himchan. You're just as much of a suspect as everyone else. All clues point towards you five, and honestly you're the only one I can see being able to pull it all off.”

Himchan snorted and crossed one leg over the other. “I'll take as a compliment, but it's not me.”

“Easy to say.”

“Especially when it's true.”

Youngjae sighed. “You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?”

“I am making it easy. I told you it isn't me.”  
“Then who is it?”

“I don't know.”

Youngjae eyed him. “You're not going to defend any of them?”

Himchan hummed and shrugged. “I don't know what they're all doing all the time. They're troubled people, they might have dangerous ways of letting that out. I thought something was up for a while, I guess I put all my focus on you instead of keeping an eye everyone else.”

“So do you have any guesses?”

“If I did I wouldn't tell you.”

“Himchan,” he frowned, “now is not the time to be anti-establishment and stick it to the man.”

“Now is definitely the time. Why should I rat X out to you?”

“Because X is objectively bad and terrible and needs to be stopped?”

“What makes X worse than me?”

“Uh, kills people?”

“I kill people.”

“Kills gangsters too.”

“So do I.”

“Smears their blood on the wall in an X shape.”

“Artistic expression.”

“This really isn't helping your 'not X' case.”

Himchan laughed and shrugged. “You're going to lock us all up anyway. Look, I get it, X has been a huge threat to everyone and needs to be dealt with for the safety of the public. But if X is one of my friends then I'm safer being loyal. This is an issue I'd rather deal with interpersonally than through a police spy who used us.”

Youngjae huffed. “Harsh.”

“I have to be. You hurt Yongguk a lot.”

“Yeah... I know that.” He looked down and fiddled with his sleeves.

“So was that part of it? You seduced Yongguk for information? All that sex was just to get him to talk?”  
“What?” Youngjae looked up at him sharply, horrified, “no!”

Himchan raised his eyebrows disbelievingly.

“I'm serious! I wasn't sleeping with him because I thought it was helping, if anything it just made it more complicated. I did it because... Because...”

“...Because?”

“Because I wanted to sleep with him.”

“And?”

“And... Be with him.”

Himchan nodded. “Well. At least you're not completely cruel. Maybe you experienced a fraction of what he did.”

Youngjae bit his tongue and looked down again, scowling.

“Listen. Jae. I can't help you. I'm not X. I don't know who is. You're better off asking one of the others.”

“I've asked most of them.”

“Oh? What did they say?”

“None of them is X.”

“Who do you have left to ask?”

Youngjae looked a him silently.

Himchan hummed and nodded. “You should go.”

“Yeah.” Youngjae sighed and stood. “I still think it's you.”

“I'll take the compliment.”

He shook his head and left.

 

**YONGGUK:**

 

Yongguk gave him the barest of glances as he stepped in before going back to watching the mirror, face expressionless. Youngjae lowered himself into the chair directly in Yongguk's line of sight. Though the leader's eyes shifted to focus on him, his expression did not move a bit. Cold. Silent. The image he gave to his enemies. The two faces of Yongguk were directly polar.

“I guess you don't want me here.”

Yongguk leaned back in his seat, making himself a bit more comfortable.

“So you're not going to talk to me at all?”

Yongguk tilted his head at him a little, regarding him like a dull book.

“Don't give me that look. I've seen you naked. You don't get to pretend nothing happened. And quit glancing at the mirror. No one's behind it. I told them all to go away.”

Yongguk clicked his tongue once and looked down at his wrists, brows slightly peaked. It was enough.

“Be angry at me all you want. You're allowed to be. Go on, scold me. Tell me off. Cuss me out. Tell me how you're going to kill me.”

Yongguk raised his eyes to look at him with the barest hint of attention.

“Well?” He felt himself heating up. “Come on! Threaten me! Shout! Hit me! I'm right here.”

Yongguk made no move.

“So that's it?” He felt his voice waver for a brief moment. “You really don't give a shit do you. I'm not even dirt to you now.” He let out a short, dry laugh and looked away, chewing his lip. His eyes burned a bit. “I didn't want to do it,” he said to the empty air beside him, “If it were up to me I wouldn't be here. None of this would have happened. I'd still be back at the hideout. In your bed. In your...” He took a deep breath and swallowed, closing his eyes for a moment. He didn't want to see the reaction to that, or lack of. He straightened himself out, then fixed Yongguk with a firm look. “I know one of you is X.”

This made Yongguk's brow furrow.

“I don't think it's you.” He paused. “Or maybe I don't want it to be. You told me once that you're not X. I believe you. I stand by what I said before. I'm just trying to find this guy. This is what I had to do.”

Yongguk took a slow breath and huffed it out, looking at his hands for a moment. He looked around the empty room, then at Youngjae.

“Yongguk. Who is X?”

The silence between them seemed to stretch an eternity. Yongguk did not move, only kept the same exasperated yet stern expression. Youngjae locked his hands together, knuckles bruising each other.

“Alright then.” Youngjae sighed and stood up. He pushed the chair back under the desk and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He'd just opened the door and and opened it to step out when he heard Yongguk's voice, quiet and soft.

“You have an eyelash.”

Youngjae turned back sharply, staring. “What?”

“Here.” Yongguk tapped his own cheekbone with a slim finger.

Youngjae realised the man was watching his reflection. He stared at the mirrored glass and raised a hand to his cheek. He pulled it away and saw the tiny black hair on his fingertip. His eyes raised once more to meet Yongguk's in the mirror.

“Make a wish.”

Youngjae left quickly.

 


	13. INTERVAL PART 3

Youngjae turned his badge over between his fingers, sat at the back of the room as he watched the officers go over the newest information. Sure, they hadn't hung out behind the mirrored glass but they had attached a tiny microphone and camera to his clothes. It was the sort of technology he wondered why they didn't use during undercover stuff, but there'd been some concerns about it being lost or damaged during extended undercover work.

He'd muffled the microphone a bit during his conversation with Yongguk. It hadn't mattered. The leader hadn't given anything away anyway.

“We need something to shock them into the open,” one officer was saying somewhere on the edge of Youngjae's consciousness, “something that would narrow them down a bit.”

“Maybe something that would completely turn the tables, put them all in a situation where they can't rely on the group dynamic. Something that would leave X open and vulnerable.”

The atmosphere in the room changed. Youngjae felt it and slowly looked up. The officers were all now looking very stern.

“It's a bit unethical.”

“Unethical is what we're dealing with.”

“It could get us in a lot of trouble.”

“It could save a lot of lives.”

Youngjae looked at all the stern faces and felt something akin to ice water being poured over him, his skin pricking and a tension overtaking his muscles. His stomach twisted, sick.

“What do you say, Yoo? Will you comply?”

He looked at each stern expression, the sharp eyes, the want for justice in any way possible. The hidden blood lust that all officers harboured.

He made his decision.

It was time to stop making wishes.

 

He left his badge in the abandoned office. He kept his gun though. His beautiful gun. No one was around this late, only guards. They fell easily. It was a quiet event.

He fumbled with the keys he'd swiped from the guards station as he made his way silently to the holding cells. He could just make out each of the five gang members sitting quietly, either bored or sleep.

He reached Junhong's cell first and slid the key in. The sound alerted the others.

“Jae?” Daehyuns voice was loud across the hall.

“Shh! Shut up, shut up!” He hissed back, wriggling the key in the lock until it came open.

“What are you doing here?” Junhong whispered, eyes widening as the door opened.

“Busting you out.” He shuffled to the next lock, Jongup's, and poked around in the dark until it fit.

“Why would you do that?” Himchan's voice, slow, suspicious.

He managed to unlock this one faster. “Isn't that bit obvious?” He freed the key and the door opened with it. Jongup approached quietly and gave him a searching look, hand slowly pushing the door further open, but Youngjae moved on fast to the next one before he could make much of it.

“You handed us in and now you're busting us out? What's obvious about that? We can't trust this.” Daehyun again, louder.

Youngjae realised he was in front of the man, only the bars between them. “Listen, I know I fucked up. I know I've been fucking up this whole time. I'm trying to fix it.” He jabbed the lock and twisted. He'd got the hang of it now. The door opened and Daehyun nearly fell out onto him.

“You could still be lying!”

“Daehyun, seriously, you're so loud.” He managed to get Himchan's on a first try.

The older man looked at him silently, searching his face. “What is this, Jae?”

“It's what I said. I'm getting you guys out of here.”

“And what do you get in return.”

He'd reached Yongguk's lock. His hand stilled a moment. Inside Yongguk hadn't moved, but watched him silently like a predatory animal at the zoo. He swallowed and unlocked it. “I hoped...” He took another breath and squared his shoulders, stepping back. “I'm valuable. I'm good at fighting I'm good with computers. I'm full of police intel that you wouldn't be able to get otherwise. You guys still don't have a computer guy and you don't know basic things training officers do. You need me. Also, I'm the one busting you out. You owe me for this now.”

“Owe you?” Himchan asked, incredulous, “This barely breaks you even for getting us here in the first place.”

“Details.” Youngjae waved a hand. “Look. Let's just go back to how things were, okay?”

“Things can't go back to 'how they were', Jae. We have no reason to trust you.”

He frowned and bit his lip. “Fine. Okay. Fine. I'll clear the space so there's no more secrets. My name's not Jae, it's Yoo Youngjae. I worked on the other side of the city several years ago. My entire squad was massacred. Since then there's been no development on X's case. It could be one of you, it could be all of you. Personally, I don't think it's any of you. I think the captain just wants to put someone away to get credit. They'll call any follow-up incident an impostor. I've seen it happen before. Sure, I don't agree with everything you guys do, but at least you have a set code you keep to. Here I have to watch paedophiles walk free because they're a public figure. I'm offering you everything I have to take me back.”

There was a short silence as the others took all of this in.

“But... If we don't take you back... You'll turn the police after us anyway.”

“Maybe,” Youngjae said. “I'd like to say no, but... I wouldn't have much of a choice.”

“We'd kill you, you know,” Himchan said quietly.

“It would be the right way to go, really.”

They looked at each other, silently communicating.

“How about this,” Youngjae offered, “You go. I'll go and clear the security cameras. If you want me back, wait for me. If you don't... Just go”

They watched him quietly for a moment, then looked to Yongguk. The oldest made no response.

Himchan let out a short tisk. “Let's go,” He ordered, giving Yongguk a light shove to walk him out of the room. The others filed after, giving Youngjae uncertain looks.

Soon he was alone.

The whole building was silent. Only a distant ticking of a clock.

It was a stupid idea. He'd made such a stupid mistake.

He sighed and rubbed his face, then made his way out.

Something sat in his throat like a stone, or a bullet. It burned the back of his mouth.

He could still see Yongguk's hollow expression.

This was such a dumb stupid idea.

He reached the doors and pushed them open slowly. The air was cold, brisk, bitter. It nipped his skin and tugged his hair. The night had its own iron-laced scent.

The back of the station was empty.

He should have known.

“You took your time.”

He turned to see Himchan leaning against the wall, watching him with narrow eyes. The older man straightened and took a step closer. He approached quietly, and saw just around the corner the others gathered in the shadows.

“Welcome to the team, Yoo Youngjae.”

He took hold of Himchan's hand in a tight, affirming grip. He may as well have been naked.

This was his choice.

 

**INTERVAL END**

 

 


	14. ACT 2: 14

The hideout had been looted, no money or valuables left. However a few personal things remained: some clothes, basic necessities, books, photos, various toys or figurines and whatever else things the gang owned. Youngjae was surprised when he looked at his room and discovered the tacky cross necklace to be missing, wondering what person would think it was worth taking.

They spent the first few hours quietly straightening the place out, noting what needed to be replaced. Yongguk didn't say a word, but Himchan seemed to be on-the-ball enough to be organizing everyone. He did as he was told without question. It seemed the best way to do things.

The others picked up the pieces of their home like victims of natural disaster, slowly rebuilding, finding comfort in anything. Youngjae spotted Junhong a battered scarf in his clenched hands, burying his face in the worn fibres. Daehyun flicked through a discarded photo album, re-adjusting the polaroids in each page. Himchan re-stuffed a slashed pillow, fingers gentle to avoid causing more damage. Jongup flattened bent pages on comic books. Yongguk re-stacked note pages. He didn't say a word.

He was searching for a missing chair when he overheard Himchan and Yongguk quietly arguing in the garage.

“You can talk to me about what's going on.”

“I don't need to.”

“You're barely holding up”

“I'm fine.”

“You've been moping for days. Daehyun said you blanked him when he came do you for help-”

“He's an adult, he doesn't need to cry over lost jewellery.”

“Don't be so cold, you know it was his mother's.”

“We all lost precious things.”

“Yongguk for fucks sake, we all know you're broken up about Young-”

“I'm fine!”

The last words were spat out so loudly and aggressively that Youngjae nearly squeaked in surprise. There was a long silence. He held his breath.

“You're not well, Yongguk.”

No response.

“You need to take a break from things.”

A flat hum.

“How about I just help you out? For a while. Until you get back on your feet.”

“Whatever.”

Himchan sighed.

Youngjae swallowed and tried to back away.

“Don't try, I already know your there,” Himchan sound loudly.

He froze.

“Who's out there? Jongup?”

He carefully stepped into the doorway looking sheepish. “Sorry. I was looking for something.”

Yongguk turned to look at him, then visibly rolled his eyes and looked away, exasperated.

“What did you hear?” Himchan watched him with narrowed eyes.

“Nothing. Not much, really. Just voices.” There was no point telling a complete lie.

Himchan hummed and clicked his tongue. “Okay. Keep looking. I'm gong to fix the security cameras.” He gave them both a significant look before leaving.

The room was silent.

Yongguk did not look at him, focusing instead on quietly gluing the toolbox back together. Someone had clearly thrown or kicked it to bypass the lock.

He walked through the garage, giving it a brief look over. There was no wooden chair in here that didn't already belong. He had no reason to stick around. But... Yongguk didn't know what it was he was looking for anyway. If he just hung around a little it would be fine. He opened a few boxes and pushed some things around to make it more convincing, stealing glances at Yongguk now and then.

The older man barely gave the slightest impression he even knew he had company.

Youngjae stated running out of things to poke. He'd just moved closer, turning over some schematics vaguely, when Yongguk spoke up.

“Just tell me what you're looking for and I'll tell you if it's in here.”

He flinched at the sharp tone. “Uh. I'm looking for... My necklace,” he lied uselessly.

Yongguk paused. “Necklace.”

“Yeah. It was like... This silver cross. I didn't wear it much. Um. It probably doesn't matter. It's probably gone-”

“I know where it is,” Yongguk said quietly, putting the glue down.

Youngjae blinked. “You do?”

Yongguk didn't reply, leaving the room silently. Youngjae stood alone in the room for a moment, confused, before chasing after the man.

He caught up to him on the other side of the hideout just as he turned into his bedroom. Youngjae stumbled to a halt halfway up the corridoor, knowing it would be stupid to follow inside. A second later Yongguk came out and walked towards him, something in his hand.

Before Youngjae could fgure out what it was, it had been tossed to him. He caught it quickly, instinct taking over, and felt the cool chain smack against his fingers. He looked down at the cross in his hands.

“Why did you-” He started to as, but Yongguk had already marched past and down the corridor, leaving him alone one more.

 


	15. Chapter 15

The first step towards regaining strength was regaining money. They had quickly worked out which gang had raided their safes and Himchan had organised and lead them out. It almost like it was back to normal, all of them united against the same enemy but with Youngjae among them instead of in the van. Except no one would talk to him.

Himchan was his ruthless killer self. The first gangster went down with a bullet to the face, point-blank. His body hit the floor, faceless.

Everyone else swarmed in with guns aimed perfectly. Youngjae held back for a moment, checking they were clear from behind. By the time he caught up the area was almost entirely cleared.

The gang leader trembled with terror, hands raised.

“Stop messing around,” Himchan said quietly, the first to speak as the others gathered the wads of money into bags to take back.

Jongup shot the man in the head.

Youngjae looked away quickly as the man's skull was shattered and flecks of brain spat out the other side, splattering the chair with blood. He focussed on stuffing the bag. Several more gunshots trembled around the room in succession until Himchan shoved him aside, forcing his arm down with a stern look.

The two men stood face to face.

Everyone else froze, breath held.

Jongup held his knife, bloodstained from previous tortures, to Himchan's neck.

Yongjae tensed, ready to get between them.

Himchan held his ground.

The younger smirked and stepped away, leaving.

He felt rather than heard the others left out a breath of relief. Everyone went back to gathering what they needed. Himchan stared after the younger, silent, brow furrowed.

 

Back at the hideout they counted stacks of money. They talked among themselves. Not to Youngjae. Jongup didn't join them.

“What's next?” Daehyun asked, quiet.

“Now we have the money we need to re-establish ourselves on some of our lost turf. We can't let people think we're weak,” Himchan replied.

“I think this is more than we had to start,” Junhong said, impressed.

“Count it all perfectly. From now on we monitor it. Record every spending and input. I don't want anything going amiss. That goes for everything. We all keep tabs on where everyone is at any time.”

They all knew what it really meant. No suspicious activity.

“What about Jongup?” Junhong asked.

Himchan scowled and looked away. “He needs a outlet for his issues right now. I'll keep an eye on him.”

For reasons he couldn't quite place, Youngjae used the opportunity to slip a wad of cash into his coat.

 

Youngjae took the long way around to his room, thinking carefully in the quiet. He was going to have a harder job this time around. No one was going to leave him alone for long enough.

Sure enough, he heard footsteps echoing towards him, fast.

He turned just in time for Junhong to grab his shoulder, other hand going for his coat. He jerked, heart freezing for a second as he imagined the younger discovering one of the microphones in the fabric. Barely a second later the youngest yanked the wad of cash from his pocket.

“What's this?”

“Hey!” He grabbed his wrist, preventing him from taking the money away. “That's mine.”

“No it isn't! It's everyone's.” Junhong glared at him and tried to wriggle free.

“Let go-”

“No! Why are you stealing? Are you going to betray us again?”

He bit back an angry comment. “No, I'm not. I just-”

“What?”

“I just wanted some of my own cash, okay? I left everything I have for you guys. I gave up my cosy apartment and a good therapist and a comfortable life because I wanted to be here. I just wanted a little bit of that back.”

Junhong stared searchingly at him in silence. “When you gave it all up you offered us everything you had. That includes your loyalty.” He yanked his hand away, pulling the wad of cash close. “We lost everything and we made our homes here through working hard for everyone else. You have to do the same.”

Youngjae sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Fine. Okay.”

The youngest nodded shortly then turned, walking swiftly away with the money clenched in his hands.

Youngjae rubbed his face and headed towards his room, feeling tired and sick.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, line for smut

Junhong had told the others. They regarded him suspiciously as they avoided him around the hideout. Conversations fell quiet as he entered rooms. He spotted Himchan whispering to Junhong and passing slips of paper to him – documents full of intel. Eventually he snapped and cornered Daehyun in the make-shift library.

“So I guess you all think I'm the incarnation of evil now.”

Daehyun dropped his book and scrabbled to pick it back up. “Youngjae!”

He blocked the doorway. “Well?”

Daehyun's eyes dropped down to his legs as though he was considering tackling him to get free.

“Daehyun!”

“It's your own fault! You had a chance to prove to us you really were loyal and you stole money!”

“Oh? Stealing a bit of money is bad to you now?”

Daehyun glared. “I never snaked anyone out to the police.”

He huffed and kicked the doorframe. “What's the point in taking me back when everyone was just going to treat me like a hostage.”

“Well... So you wouldn't rat us out,” Daehyun aditted.

“Oh my God, I am a hostage.”

“No! You get to take part in stuff. You're more like a... Slave?”

Youngjae put his face in his hands and muffled a quiet scream. “I'm going to the bar,” he decided. “I assume I'm allowed to do that?”

“I'll have to send someone after you but yeah.”

“Great,” he grumbled and dragged himself to his room.

 

He was fortunate that word has never got out about his betrayal, because no one batted an eye when he made himself comfortable at the bar and ordered a whisky. The familiar burn brought tears to his eyes that he convinced himself was because of the strength.

He'd just finished his third tumbler when someone settled beside him and said, “Two of what he's having.”

He looked over and squinted at the man with blurry vision: broad, on the short side, dark hair. His eyes landed on a few visible tattoos. “Jongup?”

The younger took the glasses and handed him one, before quietly sipping on the other.

“I guess they sent you here to keep watch on me,” he grumbled, taking a hearty swallow of the whisky. He couldn't feel it's burn as much any more. “This sucks,” he continued when Jongup remained silent, “I can't even drink on my own in peace.”

Jongup watched him quietly as he finished the drink, then motioned for the bar tender to give him another.

He took it slowly. “Why are you buying me drinks? Is it because you pity me?” He huffed and drank it anyway.

Jongup didn't reply but drank silently with him.

The evening continued and Jongup kept buying them both drinks, having one or less for every two or three Youngjae got through. The bar was slowly emptying and Youngjae's head felt cloudy and messy and confusing. He slouched against the younger, an arm around him, head occasionally resting on his shoulder.

“Only you get what it's like,” he slurred, “when you lose ev'ryone like that.”

Jongup looked down at him with a sombre if unfocussed expression.

“An'- an' you gotta try 'n' stop losin' ev'ryone again.” He gave Jongup's chest a slap to emphasise his point, and found himself briefly impressed by the hard pecs under his hand. “Y' gotta-”

he hiccuped and then heaved a bit.

Jongup grabbed him firmly and tried to straighten him out, but Youngjae was heaving uncontrollably.

There was some faff as the younger slammed down some money, then dragged Youngjae out of the bar, just in time for him to throw up into a gutter. He pat his back gently.

 

“Ugh, I'm such a mess.” He held onto Jongup's arm like it was an anchor, spitting onto the ground to clear his mouth.

Jongup rubbed his back in a seemingly sympathetic manner.

He tried to pull himself straight and fell against the younger, stumbling as he was held firmly up. He was never more grateful for anyone than in that moment. “I only got you,” he mourned and gripped Jongup's biceps and looked at the younger man with watery eyes. “I only got you.”

There was a second when they were very close and Jongup looked at him silently, a little hazy himself from the drink, and Youngjae's fingers were gripping the leather of his jacket and pressing against his arm muscle.

And then Jongup kissed him.

He was so surprised he didn't respond, just stood as Jongup kissed him. He couldn't help think his mouth tasted like bile.

Jongup pulled away.

He blinked. “Oh.”

Jongup frowned a bit.

“That was nice.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of Jongup's mouth and he leaned in to kiss him again, and this time Youngjae reciprocated.

It tasted bad. Mostly like sick and alcohol and spit and something maybe like smoke. Youngjae didn't care. He gripped onto Jongup and kissed him hard, feeling his lips bruise against the other man's as they were pressed together, teeth bumping, tongues meeting. For a brief moment he thought he might have cried a little but Jongup only kissed him more, head tilting, hand in his hair, and he responded desperate and needy to every touch.

When Jongup pulled away for air he whimpered at the empty feeling, but panted heavily. He opened his eyes and found the younger giving him an intense look. The skin on his face burned.

Jongup grabbed his wrist and dragged him towards the hideout. He wondered dully if he was about to be shown to the others for being too drunk and messy, or if the younger would tell them about the kiss they just had and he'd be shamed for it. He felt a but stupid and embarrassed until he was pulled into the hideout and Jongup's mouth was on his again.

He moaned, louder than he should have, and felt his coat being pulled off. He shrugged to help it and pawed at Jongup's leather. It was pulled off quickly.

Their path through the hideout was disrupted by one of them – usually Youngjae – occasionally tripping and falling over, or getting stuck in the folds of fabric as clothes were yanked off and discarded. He had a brief moment were he thought he should look out for the others, but Jongup had sucked a mark between his collarbones and squeezed his ass and all sense had gone out the window.

* * *

 

Youngjae was bitten, bruised and naked by the time he was pushed down onto his bed.

Jongup's mouth was relentless, littering his body in large bite-marks. He'd somehow produced lube from somewhere and was already wetting his fingers. Youngjae barely had a moment to make himself comfortable and spread his legs before Jongup was pushing his fingers inside him.

He moaned, back arching and hips bucking with every movement of Jongup's fingers, gripping the bed like a lifeline. He was more sober now, more aware of everything, and the sight of Jongup's bare naked body in front of him – all chiselled muscle and tattoos – was aggressively attractive to him.

He didn't even need to say anything before Jongup was lubing his cock, one strong hand grabbing Youngjae's thigh with enough force to bruise. It took a second for him to get into position before thrusting sharp into him.

He let out something close to a scream and grabbed Jongup's shoulder, nails digging in. It quickly became a haze of heat, sweat and the stench of alcohol. Jongup's hips slammed into him with a force he'd never encountered before, fast and sharp, making him arch and cry out. His nails raked lines down Jongup's back like claws.

Sometimes they kissed, messy and filled with teeth and tongues, other times Jongup bit and sucked marks down his neck and torso, leaving a huge red blotchy mess. Youngjae responded with grazed nail marks all the way down his arms, sides and chest like a wild animal. At one point he felt blood under his nails, but was too turned on by the deep growl Jongup emitted that he paid it no attention.

At one point the younger grabbed his legs and pushed them up, folding Youngjae against himself, and slammed hard into him at the change of angle. It ripped another scream from Youngjae, who now could only grab the sheets.

His face was wet with sweat and tears, either from pain or pleasure he couldn't determine. Everything around him had melted away to just Jongup's hard body over him, cock pounding inside him, the intense pressure building up inside him.

He dimly heard Jongup curse, voice deep and rough against his ear, and then he fell over the edge. He came, shaking and loud, whimpering as his skin burned with pleasure. Barely a second later he felt Jongup release inside him, hot and sticky.

He collapsed, limp against the sheets, panting heavily. He barely felt Jongup pull out of him, and blinked a few times at the younger once or twice, before blacking out.

 


	17. Chapter 17

Youngjae groaned in pain as he slowly roused from sleep. His whole body felt like he'd been kicked and beaten. His mouth was dry and tasted like bile and alcohol. There was a disgusting sticky feeling between his legs. He dragged himself up, discovered he was ass naked, and blearily navigated himself towards his bathroom.

He was covered in huge bruises. Teeth marks trailed down his neck and torso. A visible hand-print bruise took over one of his thighs like paint. His lower lip was still slightly swollen. If he didn't known better, he would have assumed he'd been attacked.

He opened his mouth to mumble something to himself but his voice cracked and fell flat immediately.

A stab of embarrassment hit his gut when he realised how loud he must have been.

It built into full-blown shame when he discovered his clothes folded and stacked outside his bedroom door.

He dressed quickly, wearing the most conservative clothes he could find to hide the marks. The ones on his jaw and beneath his ear were beyond his control. He tried not to limp as he made his way to the kitchen for coffee.

Himchan sat inside drinking quietly. His gaze narrowed when Youngjae entered and he gave him a short hum of greeting.

Youngjae felt his face heat as he tried to make the coffee as quietly as he could. He was thankful to be able to face away from Himchan, avoiding the judgemental glances and hiding the marks.

He set the coffee on the table and lowered himself into a chair. The coffee spilled over the edge as he jolted in pain.

Himchan gave him a cool frown.

He raised the drink to his mouth, pretending nothing had happened.

“You left your coat on the floor.”

He choked on the coffee.

“And your shoes. And your shirt. And your-”

“Yep! I know!” He managed to say between coughs.

Himchan hummed. “So what, you're planning to sleep with everyone?”

“No! No I didn't- We were drunk, it just happened. It was a one-time deal,” he spluttered out.

“Does he know that?”

He blinked. “Did he say something?”

Himchan sighed and straightened himself up, then fixed Youngjae with a stern expression. “Jongup does not make friends easily. He's been angry and upset since you stabbed us all in the back. Do you think he's the type to have random hookups?”

Youngjae gulped.

Himchan drained his cup and set it on the side, then looked at Youngjae. “You better work out what you really want, and fast.”

He looked at the older man, trying to meet that piercing gaze. “Are you going to kill me?”

“I want to, but I won't. As much as you like to accuse me of being X, I'm not some uncontrollable serial killer.”

“Someone is...”

“And you sleeping with Jongup is getting you closer to finding out, is it?”

He flinched at those words. “I was drunk...”

“And loud. All of us heard it. Especially Yongguk.”

He felt that shame fill him again.

“We gave you a second chance. You better act like it was worth it.”

With that, Himchan left Youngjae alone in the kitchen.

 

He sought out Junhong, desperate to ease the ache in his muscles. The youngest was visibly embarrassed to see him, and reused to hold eye contact.

“Can we both pretend we don't know why I'm in this state,” Youngjae half-joked, half-begged.

Junhong nodded quickly. “Um. What do you need?”

“Everything hurts. I just need something to make it hurt a bit less.”

Junhong pulled a face like he wanted to ask a question but also was already imagining some unnamed horror. “Right. Great. I have... Basic pain relief.” He dug out a packet from one of the medicine boxes he'd slowly been re-filling.

“Thanks,” Youngjae said gratefully as he popped a few pills from their containers.

The youngest looked at him with a conflicted expression.

“What?” He asked after a moment, “What do you wanna say?”

“I was just... Thinking. You're bruised a lot from what I can see and... Do you... Need any ointment or...?”

His face burned. “No! I'm fine.”

“Okay, I only asked because Jongup-”

“That's fine, let's not think about it!”

Junhong nodded quickly and put the medicine box away. “So... Are you two?”

“I was very drunk, okay?”

He nodded quickly, a bit nervous. “Okay. So... It's not like how you were with Yongguk?”

Youngjae's stomach twisted into a knot. “I need to be somewhere. Thanks for this.” He stood and swallowed the pills dry, then quickly escaped from the medical wing before the younger could say anything more.

 

He sought Jongup out, desperate to clarify things.

_I was drunk, I felt lonely, I hope that's all it was for you too._

Too cold.

_You weren't there the next morning so I figured we both know this was a one-time-thing._

Too accusatory.

He found Jongup in one of the off-rooms that were occasionally filled with junk, taking practised swings at a sandbag that had been hung from the room. He was shirtless, and his tattooed body glistened with a light sheen of sweat. There were still-visible red scratches all over his skin.

“Um,” Youngjae began awkwardly.

Jongup looked over to him and gave a last, focussed punch to the sandbag, then relaxed and slowly approached him.

“I wanted to, uh, talk to you about last night,” he began nervously.

“Same here.” Jongup picked up a bottle of water and took a large gulp.

“Right.” he cleared his throat awkwardly. “Um-”

“I'll start,” the younger said, cutting him off easily. “I wanted to say thank you.”

“Uh?”

“I know we were drunk, but I haven't had a night like that in a long time. It made me feel better. Thank you.”

Youngjae blinked. “Oh.”

“What did you want to say?”

“Oh, uh,” He looked at Jongup's quietly curious expression. “Just that... Uh. I'm sorry I was so drunk?” He was such a coward.

Jongup snorted a little. “Next time I won't buy you so many drinks.” He pat Youngjae on the shoulder and head out the room.

_Next time?_

Youngjae turned, desperate to salvage what he could of the situation and fix it, but felt himself shrink back again.

Yongguk was stood just outside the room, eyes locked on a large red cut on Jongup's shoulder. His gaze shifted to Youngjae, taking in the marks on his jaw.

Youngjae froze.

For a split second something like hatred burned in Yongguk's eyes, but then the leader turned away and head back where he had come from.

Youngjae let himself sink to the floor.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, lines for smut

It was late. Youngjae was quietly noting down what ammo needed to be restocked when Daehyun's wail echoed through the hideout. He ran down as everyone else rushed out, eyes wide and gripping guns.

The man was crouched on all fours, sobbing uncontrollably like a child. Grief oozed from every pore of his being. His coat hung from his shoulders, the hems at the bottom filthy like they'd dragged across the ground.

“Daehyun!” Himchan got to him first, crouching and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Daehyun, what happened?”

“He- he got her! My sister! He got her!” Daehyun wailed, voice wobbling and cracking on every word. Immediately he let out a screeching cry and broke down sobbing again, face blotchy and red, eyes screwed shut and pouring tears.

“Shit,” Youngjae breathed as the rest of them moved closer to the man, crouching a bit to be on his level.

This caught Daehyun's attention and his breath hitched a bit as he looked up at Youngjae with reddened, burning eyes. “You!”

Before Youngjae could respond, the older man had pushed himself to stumble across the space between them. He grabbed the front of Youngjae's top and yanked him to stand, giving him a firm shake.

“You! This is your fault!”

Youngjae stared at him, stunned. “What?”

“It's you, isn't it! You and your cop buddies! This is your bullshit way of freaking us out and cutting us down! Fuck you! Fuck you!” Daehyun screamed, voice raw and shaking.

“Dae-Daehyun!” Youngjae managed to cut in, grabbing the man's hands hand and forcing him to stop shaking him about. “It's not me! It's not me! Really! Daehyun I swear! X got my squad and ruined my life – do you think I would do something like this?”

Daehyun's expression contorted: rage, grief, realisation, shame. His head bowed and he wept, loud and shuddering, into Youngjae's chest. Youngjae put his arms around him and held him close, stroking his hair. He felt his own throat tighten and eyes sting.

“I'll get him to lie down. Go make him a how drink,” Himchan said quietly, putting his hands on Daehyun's shoulder and gently pulling him off Youngjae.

He nodded, watching Daehyun hiccup between cries and sobs.

Himchan walked the man away, leaving them all in tense silence.

 

He brought the hot drink up to Daehyun's room, lacing it with a bit of rum to help him sleep. Himchan accepted it at the door.

“How is he?”

“Bad.”

“Can I talk to him?”

Himchan shook his head. “It's better if you stay away from him.”

Youngjae sighed and rubbed his cheek a bit. “What he said... Do you all think that?”

Himchan gave him a quiet look before responding. “It was a common theory.”

“You know it's not true, right?”

“I'm as sure of it as you are that I'm not X.”

He frowned.

“Go away, now. You're just being a disturbance.”

He bit back a retort and left, feeling a restless unease build inside him.

 

He found Junhong in the hallway carrying a small pile of medicine.

“Giving him sleeping pills? I warn you I just gave him a bit of alcohol.”

The youngest gave him an awkward nod. “Okay.”

He frowned. “You okay?” He stepped a bit closer and the other stepped back sharply. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing. I'm fine. Just... Let me get to Daehyun.”

“I'm not stopping you,” he said slowly, eyes narrowing a bit. “Wait. You don't believe what he said, do you?”

Junhong chewed his lip and didn't reply.

“Junhong.”

“I don't know! I don't know what to believe. Leave me alone.” He slipped past Youngjae quickly, gripping the medicine close like he was afraid the older might try to steal it, and sped his way to Daehyn's room.

Youngjae stared after him.

 

The complete, unsolved case of the mass-slaughter of his squad was still all there in all it's awful, vicious, painful detail on the online archive. He stared silently at the faces of those he'd lost. People he'd once laughed with, shared food with, argued with, sparred with, pulled all-nighters with, trapsed though shit-holes for clues with, trained with, learned with, grew with... All dead.

He took a deep shuddering breath and swiped his hands across his eyes, feeling them sting and become hot. He took a deep swig from the bottle he'd nabbed from the bottom cupboard.

He jolted when he opened his eyes again and saw Jongup standing in the library doorway with an unreadable expression.

“Jongup.”

The younger turned to leave.

“Jongup wait!”

He hesitated.

“Jongup. You don't believe what Daehyun said, right? Tell me you don't.”

Jongup gave him a look that seemed to be somewhere between pity and fear.

“Please. Please believe me. I lost everything. You know what it's like.”

Jongup bit his lip.

“Don't leave me alone.” He reached out, a little wobbly, eyes bleary behind tears.

A small sigh dropped Jongup's shoulders and he moved closer. Youngjae grabbed his hands as soon as he was close and squeezed them. Tears burned hot trails down his face. “Please don't leave me alone. I don't want to be on my own any more.”

Jongup freed one hand to gently stroke his hair, moving a bit closer. Youngjae pressed his face into his chest, two hands holding one of Jongup's, shaking a little as he tried to contain the tears.

“Don't leave me,” he murmured, raising his head a bit.

“I won't,” Jongup replied quietly, his words breathed agianst Youngjae's mouth.

“Don't leave me.”

“I won't.”

Somewhere between the mumbled exchange their lips met, a bit clumsy and salty. Youngjae melted into every small kiss, his body growing weak.

“Do you want me to make you feel better?” Jongup murmured, lips barely moved from Youngjaes.

He nodded a little and breathed out a small confirmation.

* * *

 

Jongup kissed him slowly, hand moving down from Youngjae's hair to slide down his body. His hand reached his waistband and swiftly unbuttoned it, pushing the zip down as his hand slid inside. He palmed the older through his underwear, catching each gasp against his lips.

“Jongup... We're in the kitchen.” Youngjae whispered.

The younger ignored this and squeezed him through the fabric, making him bite back a small noise. Jongup continued to stroke and palm him has he bit back noises before deciding to change course, moving both hands to undo his own jeans and pull both of their waistbands down just enough. Before Youngjae could ask, Jongup lifted him from the ground and pinned him against the wall, wrapping his legs around his waist.

“Wait! Jongup, someone will walk in!”

“They won't,” the younger replied as he pressed their hips firmly together, hard shafts parted by only the thin material of their underwear.

Youngjae opened his mouth to protest but was cut off by a small breathy moan escaping him as Jongup began to firmly rut his hips against him, grinding their bodies together.

He grunted against Jongup's persistent mouth, gripping his shoulders. The sheer strength of the younger man holding him up was ridiculously hot, and each roll of his hips made him shudder and groan.

It was fast, a bit rough, and entirely with one motivation in mind: reach orgasm and feel good. He clung to the other, desperately throwing his stress and worries out the window as he took in everything that was the feel of the younger man tight against him.

Jongup growled and bit his lip, sucking on it, then moved his mouth to leave another sucked bruise on his jaw.

Youngjae opened his mouth to protest, but instead a low moan spilled out as he came in a shaky, weak mess.

Jongup rutted against his sensitive shaft a few more times, making him whimper and squirm with discomfort, before letting out a deep growl as he released as well.

* * *

 

They stayed against the wall for a moment, catching their breath. After a moment, Jongup pulled away, lowering Youngjae back to his feet. He shook a little as he tried to regain strength in his knees, leaning against the wall for support.

“You should get some sleep.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

Jongup looked at him, then sighed. He put an arm around Youngjae's middle and guided him out of the room. Youngjae was too dazed to argue much and allowed himself to be walked to his bed and pushed down onto the mattress.

Jongup pat his hair gently and he fell asleep in his messed underwear with his jeans hanging halfway down his legs.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lines as usual

Youngjae stared down at his work phone, crouched in the corner of an unused side-room. He'd received a short, coded message from his superiors. Camera damaged, microphone missing. He stroked his thumb over the collar where a button holding the microphone had fallen off. The camera tucked in the chest-pocket flap was secure under the thick layer of fabric, but as he felt it between his fingers the parts of the camera separated. He could only think of one situation where his clothes had been handled aggressively enough. A pang of embarrassment shot through him.

There was no chance of saving the lost devices. He sent a message in response asking for replacements and sighed, looking at the battered state of his work phone. It usually sat within a hidden inside pocket, and he could only imagine how much it had been knocked around lately.

He had a lot to do.

“Do you love the chaos you wreak on us?” Himchan's voice interrupted him from the doorway.

He barely had time to hide the phone. “What are you talking about?”

“The kitchen? Really?”

Youngjae felt his face heat up and said nothing.

“I don't know what you're trying to pull, but you're acting like a teenager trying to make their ex jealous. You're lucky I like Jongup, because I'm in half a mind to shoot you in the neck for this shit.”

He grit his teeth, about to spit out a retort, when Himchan's words gave him an idea. “You said he needs to let his issues out, right? Isn't this a better way to do it?”

Himchan's eyes narrowed.

He held his ground.

“Fucking hell. If that's how you're defending it, fine. You deal with him. But if I have to hear about it from Yongguk again, I will cut you dick off.”

“Don't you have better things to worry about?” He grumbled, “You took Daehyun out on a job, right?”

Himchan clicked his tongue. “He's handling grief a lot better than you handle being shouted at.”

Youngjae considered throwing something at him. He was good at darts now. He could probably hit his eyeball if he wanted to. “We'll see about that.”

The temporary-leader narrowed his eyes dangerously, then left.

 

He poured Daehyun another drink, then one for himself. They were settled in the room usually used for meetings and strategy planning, bringing with them whatever alcohol they could find. They were both miserably tipsy.

“It's one of 'em,” Daehyun mumbled, “no one else knows I have a sister in this city.”

He drank thoughtfully. “Himchan.”

Daehyun frowned. “You don't get on with Himchan...”

“He doesn't get on with me.”

Daehyun drank, drained his glass, then set it down. “Maybe. But I don't know why he would be.”

Youngjae slowly drained his own. “He took charge in Yongguk's place. Maybe...Maybe it's a power thing...”

Daehyun frowned. “Well... How about Jongup? He gets power crazy, and likes cutting people.”

Youngjae refilled their glasses. “Didn't X kill his gang?”

“Didn't you accuse him of doing that?” Daehyun pointed at him, then had a swig of his drink.

Youngjae hummed around his own. “But he was with me, that night...”

They drank quietly for a while, neither wanting to continue the line of thought.

“What 'bout... Yongguk?”Daehyun ventured several drinks later.

Youngjae scowled and shook his head. “No.”

“Why?”

“B'cause... Because he told me.”

Daehyun scoffed. “Told you what?”

“He told me he's not X.”

Daehyun smacked his arm. “We ALL told you we're not X.”

“Yeah but he told me before I stuck you in the back.”

The older snorted. “What kinda conversation is that? 'Ooh, hey Jae, I didn't fucking kill a bunch of people mercilessly'.”

He kicked Daehyun's shin hard.

“Ow! Fuck!”

“Don't be such an asshole. We had a... Talk.”

“Oh when you were fucking?”

He aimed another kick, but Daehyun was prepared and already shuffling away. “Go be an asshole somewhere else.”

“Fine. I'm going to the bar.” Daehyun grabbed the bottle and drained the last of the alcohol before Youngjae could stop him, then staggered out.

He watched him go with a glare and huffed.

 

He'd ended up alone, finished a bottle to himself, and had papers and badly written notes about each gang member. Knowing Daehyun wasn't part of the mix made it all a lot more manageable. But what was left wasn't much clearer.

“Where's Daehyun?”

He looked up to squint at Himchan. “Went to the bar. Why?”

“Fucks sake.” Himchan glared at him. “Didn't I say no one goes out without us knowing?”

“I knew?” He replied defensively.

“You don't count.”

He glared.

“I'm going to get him. Stay here and don't do anything stupid.”

“Fine.”

 

He'd come to the solid conclusion that Himchan was the most likely suspect. Daehyun had been close to agreeing so he figured it made sense. Jongup was a bit unhinged, sure, but he didn't have the organisation and contacts to carry out such actions. It didn't make sense.

And Yongguk...

He knew it wasn't him.

He heard the sound of people returning to the hideout and dragged himself out of the room, intending to confront Himchan about his conclusion.

Before he could even begin to form something to say, he was stunned into silence by what he saw.

Daehyun and Himchan were locked at the mouth, the younger messy and ruined, the older's brow furrowed. They moved though the hideout without looking, seemingly through innate knowledge of the layout.

They didn't even notice Youngjae as they passed by, hands tearing at each other's clothes. He watched them head towards the bedrooms and blinked.

After a moment of processing the information he shook himself and went to get himself another drink.

 

More drunk than he intended, and more depressed than he wanted, he wandered through the hideout. He could hear the two older men clearly from anywhere in the building it seemed. He wondered if he'd been like this with Jongup. Or Yongguk.

He found himself outside the ex-leader's door. It was visibly locked and dark.

He put his head against the wood and raised a hand to knock.

Silence.

He mentally kicked himself and stumbled back, feeling stupid.

His feet dragged him further, not to his own room but to Jongup's. The door was slightly open.

He knocked.

Jongup answered, looking a little annoyed.

He stared at him silently for a moment.

“You're drunk,” Jongup said quietly.

He nodded.

“...And lonely.”

He nodded again.

Jongup sighed quietly and opened his door wider to let him in. Youngjae stumbled in and fell onto Jongups bed with a huff. He held his arms out beckoning the younger over.

* * *

 

It was messy, a but uncomfortable, and probably not that good.

It didn't matter. Every slam of Jongups hips made his brain numb and foggy. He couldn't even hear Daehyun and Himchan when he was making his own loud moans and gasps.

Jongup finished before him with a deep grunt, filling him inside and making him feel sticky and weird. The younger pulled out of him and got up to clean, leaving him to finish himself with uneven, weak strokes of his own hand.

He passed out naked on Jongup's bed, covered in his own drying cum.

 


	20. Chapter 20

Daehyun had taken to snooping around, which made Youngjae's own snooping much less suspicious. Unfortunately, it did also mean he tampered with everything.

He couldn't blame him. The poor guy was in the middle of a huge meltdown.

He'd contacted his superiors. A plan was being formed. The new microphones had arrived a little bit battered and he figured the case was losing funding.

He ran his fingers through some ashes. Mostly target and informant papers burned with some flammable substance. Strong smell. Bottle of phenolphthalein. There were pieces of burned money in there too. He couldn't tell if this was good or bad progress for the ex-leader in terms of coping mechanisms.

He picked up a note that had half survived and pocketed it. It was one thing to be anti-capitalism and see money as a tool for public control... But kids were still starving in the streets. He sighed and straightened up, knowing he'd have to talk to Yongguk eventually.

A familiar uncertainty washed over him.

Yongguk had no alibi other than his word. Daehyun had been out on a job. Jongup had been with him. Daehyun had been out on a job – and now his sister had been targeted. Only Himchan and Yongguk had no alibi. It was easy to point his finger at Himchan, but he had no real evidence. Yongguk however had built the gang himself and lead several attacks to increase their turf, it was possible he recognised Youngjae from his attack on the precinct and had pulled him close to learn what he was up to. Attacking Daehyun's sister would be an easy distraction from any plans he had.

He took a deep breath and shook his head. His stomach twisted.

 

Himchan gathered them all to discuss the next plan. Youngjae barely listened. Some raid happening that night. It didn't matter. They'd probably leave him in the van with a laptop and orders not to move. That was fine with him. The guys back in the office listening in would make use of the info.

They were dismissed and he shifted to get up, tired. Then his gaze landed on Daehyun, who was scrutinising the documents intently.

He'd been jumpy the entire meeting.

“What is it?”

Daehyun brought the paper close to his face. “The smell... Chemical.”

“It's probably the ink.”

Daehyun shook his head. “No. I know this smell.”

Youngjae frowned and leaned over, giving the paper an uncertain sniff.

His heart stopped. That smell from earlier.

“I'll be right back,” Daehyun said quickly, rushing out of the room.

He turned to stare after him, alarmed. He didn't know enough about chemistry to know what it could mean. His basic knowledge was that it was used as an indicator.

Fortunately, Daehyun came back.

“What was-”

“It's Himchan,” the older said, voice strained.

“What?”

“I have to go.”

He cut him off quickly, standing in his way. “Daehyun, you can't just say it's Himchan and not explain anything.”

“Move aside,” the older growled.

“Not until you tell me what's going on.” He held his ground.

Daehyun's expression split into an infuriated snarl. “I don't have to tell you anything. I don't trust you for a moment.”

Youngjae blinked and stepped back. “The hell are you on about, Jung?”

“This is just more police shit isn't it? You can't get it out of your head. You don't even know how to avenge your lost ones properly – it's got to have all this bullshit investigative shit. Well I do now how to, and I'm going to put a bullet in that fucker's head.”

“What the hell are you on about? You were on board with it before, what is your problem?”

“My problem? I know you've been going behind our back this whole time!”

Youngjae's blood ran cold.

“I know you've been stealing money. Junhong caught you the first time, but you've been at it again – we can see it go missing from the safe. I don't know what you're using it for, but I know it's you!”

He was stunned into silence for a moment. Daehyun used the moment to shove past him.

“Daehyun, wait!” He turned and grabbed his elbow. “I'm not the one stealing money!”

Before he could react, the older jerked his arm back and punched him hard in the side of the face, knocking him to the ground.

“Owh- fuck,” he groaned, pressing his hand over the swelling bruise.

“Not stealing money?” Daehyun reached down and picked up the note, which had fallen fro his pocket. “Stop lying to us. You might actually survive this mess.” He threw the note at him.

“That's not mine,” Youngjae growled, “You have to be-” He was cut of by Daehyun's foot stamping into his stomach hard, winding him into silence.

“Stay out of this, Yoo Youngjae. Before you get what's coming to you.”

Daehyun left, leaving Youngjae gasping for air on the floor.

 

It took too long for him to get his shit together to warn Himchan. The guy was a ruthless killing machine, he reasoned, he could look after himself. His new priority was putting together some painful pieces of evidence.

Daehyun had left the soggy paper in the bathroom.

' _Kill Himchan..._ '

It made sense. The younger had appointed himself as leader. Even in his state, it would threaten any once-powerful gang leader. And with one major betrayal, could he be expected to trust any of his gang? Why not make them kill each other and rebuild from there?

He had to confront the man.

After he got some ice for his face.

 

He found Yongguk in an empty back room, sat on a windowsill and looking out the window, flicking his lighter on and off.

“Bang Yongguk.”

Yongguk gave him the lightest of glances.

“I need to talk to you.”

Yongguk's expression turned a little sour.

“About Daehyun's sister.”

This seemed to catch the ex-leader's attention, and he turned to face him with the expression of someone regarding something dead on their doorstep and wondering what put it there.

“Why'd you kidnap her?”

He stopped clicking the lighter. “Pardon?”

Youngjae was relieved to hear the first words the man had spoken to him in what seemed like an eternity. “Why did you kidnap Daehyun's sister?”

Yongguk shifted to face him with his whole body, searching him with his eyes. “I didn't.”

“Evidence says you did.”

“What evidence?”

Youngjae gestured to the lighter. “You've been burning things with phenolphthalein.”

“So?”

“It's been used to blackmail Daehyun while his sister has been taken hostage.”

Yongguk shrugged. “The whole gang has access to it. Not just me.”

“True, but you recently used a whole bottle of it... While burning cash.” He took the not out and showed it to him. “Some of the money in the safe has gone missing. You'd need money to cover securely kidnapping a girl and blackmailing her brother, maybe to pay some lackeys to help out. I'm guessing you're burning the leftover so it can't be traced back to you.”

Yongguk was silent for a moment, then shook his head. “I'm burning counterfeit.”

He blinked. “What?”

“Some of the money we take turns out to be counterfeit. Often. It's totally worthless and only causes trouble. I burn it to avoid problems. Look at the one you have.”

He looked down at the note, inspecting it more closely. Between the holes and the scorchmarks he could just make out the printed logos. And the mistakes.

“Okay, but that doesn't change the fact you've been using the solution the most. The messages still point back to you. And it makes sense that you'd want to kill Himchan, given he's taken over.”

Surprise and alarm crossed the older man's face. “Kill Himchan? Himchan is my oldest friend. I trusted him to take over while I...” He looked away. “Sorted things out.”

Youngjae swallowed a lump in his throat.

“I've lost too many good men. I wouldn't want to lose another. He told me you accused him of being X several times. He's not. I know that much. We are not honest by nature, but Himchan has never lied to me. I have never lied to him. And I didn't lie to you.” He met Youngjae's eyes now. “I'm not X.”

He stared back at him silently for some time, then sighed. “Okay. Fine. But then who is?”

Yongguk opened his mouth to say something, but shut it when his eyes fell on something behind Youngjae.

He turned, following the man's gaze, and saw Jongup quietly standing in the doorway.

“I didn't mean to interrupt,” the younger said quietly, looking at them both with unsure, suspicious eyes.

Yongguk inclined his head a little.

“Junhong said Daehyun punched you.”

“Yeah, we had a disagreement. It's fine,” Youngjae replied, a little tense.

Jongup nodded. “Okay. Also, Himchan said Daehyun tried to kill him.”

Youngjae heard a thud and turned to see that Yongguk had dropped from the sill, eyes stern. “And where is Daehyun now?”

Jongup shrugged.

“Is he dead?” Youngjae asked nervously. He hated the idea of his last contact with the man being his shoe.

“Himchan didn't say. He just said he wouldn't be coming with us on our raid tonight.”

Yongguk marched out of the room without a word.

Youngjae followed after him, alarmed. As he reached the door, Jongup grabbed his arm. He stopped to look at him, puzzled. The younger was giving him a quiet, searching look.

“What?”

“You smell... Like chemicals.”

“Oh it's...Just this.” Youngjae showed him the note.

Jongup stared at it silently for some time. “Oh. You're burning counterfeit.”

“Uh. Yeah.” He wasn't sure why he was lying.

Jongup nodded “You should get ready for tonight,” he said quietly.

Youngjae felt a strange ominous energy from the younger, but couldn't place it.

Jongup left before he could work it out.

 

His work phone had a single coded message. “We know. Details to come.”

 


	21. Chapter 21

He had an hour, tops. It didn't matter if Daehyun wasn't with them; his superiors had come to a conclusion. They didn't tell him, of course, in case it caused a response.

He hoped the guy was okay.

Same procedure as before but with a set intent to take down X. Someone would die tonight, and he hoped it was the right one.

He tried not to wonder who.

He pulled on his bullet-proof. He'd called for a new one since this one had some signs of damage, but it had never arrived. Didn't matter.

He wondered if he'd be allowed to visit them in prison.

He wondered if they'd even come to the visitors room to see him.

Yongguk looked good in blue, at least.

He shook his head quickly.

They must have all been arrested at some point. Surely they had the bail... If bail was an option this time.

He pulled his coat on and put his hands in the pockets, then found something buried inside. He pulled it out to investigate it.

A single dart, probably stolen from the bar by accident.

That darts game seemed a lifetime ago.

He re-pocketed it and swallowed.

The stupid cross necklace was still in his room, tossed across the desk. He curled his fingers around the cross and picked it up, the chain sliding off the desk slowly. It had been worn, some of the silver rubbed off at the edges. Yongguk had clearly handled it a lot while he had possession of it.

He lifted the cross to his face and closed his eyes, silently praying to any deity. He brought it to his lips and kissed it for a moment, then put the chain around his neck and tucked it beneath his shirt.

He took a slow breath and headed down to meet them all.

 

No one seemed to be hugely distressed, so he guessed Himchan hadn't killed Daehyun or left him bloody and beaten somewhere. He hoped he was just at the bar again.

They piled into the van.

“Since there's less of us, I'm coming in,” He said,hoping his voice sounded normal.

“Sure, alright. It's easier when I can see you,” Himchan responded, barely paying him attention.

The others nodded.

He felt sick.

 


	22. Chapter 22

They moved quickly into the warehouse, guns out, silent. The building betrayed no signs of life. Himchan squinted suspiciously at the seemingly barren building and began to lower his gun.

Then the armed police rolled out, appearing from behind pillars and boxes like ghosts, the only sound their weapons locking into place.

“This is a set up,” Himchan growled, glancing over to Youngjae. He began to lower his gun.

The others turned to look at him over their shoulders, also lowering their weapons, but he barely paid attention. The men around them weren't the local precinct. They weren't even the usual field detectives he had expected. The men around them were special forces. He didn't know a damn one of them, and they didn't know him.

He'd been stuck in the back by his own team. Fitting, really.

He was thinking how he could somehow avoid any violence without getting shot mid-attempt when he heard footsteps rushing in.

Daehyun, panting and wide-eyed, blood on his hands.

He didn't have the time to be thankful that the man was alive before Daehyun lifted his gun. It was too late now. He had to pick a side.

In one fluid movement his hand swiped the dart from his pocket and he threw it with all the force and momentum he could muster at the nearest man's eye.

Chaos erupted. The air exploded with guns firing and everyone running. Youngjae threw himself to cover, taking a moment to pull himself together. As he opened his eyes he spotted a man in full gear with a large gun approaching. He also spotted Jongup trying to take shelter nearby, unaware of the approaching threat.

He grit his teeth and reached out, shooting the man in the head. Jongup barely had time to respond, turning to shoot another while Youngjae was left to disarm an unexpected attack. He dropped down to take shelter behind some boxes, trying not to be too impressed by Jongup's leap-and-roll to join him. They took aim and shot down as many as they could.

He could make out Himchan and Daehyun, shoulder to shoulder as they fought. Yongguk had found himself a human shield. Junhong was doing some ridiculous yet also really cool leaping shots – as though he didn't already have the high ground. It was going surprisingly well, considering he'd never experienced any of these techniques to be useful in his line of work before. It was beginning to look like they'd all make it out alive.

Then he saw Himchan shot down.

He felt time freeze as the man's knees buckled, blood spurting, spitting out of his mouth.

Daehyun immediately jumped in, catching him and trying to pull him to safety. But that wasn't in Himchan's blood. Barely a second later he was pushing himself back up, throwing Daehyun to safety as he took several more bullets to the chest. The blood splattered like confetti.

He attempted to shoot the man who'd taken Himchan down, but he'd moved to advance on Daehyun who had fallen to his knees with blood across his torso.

He shot the offender in the head several times with shaking hands. But it was too late. Daehyun was crouched on the floor, spitting out mouthfuls of blood. He let out a cry of misery and frustration.

Jongup responded to the sound of approaching footsteps immediately, jumping up and swerving around fast to take on three attackers at once, standing in front of Youngjae like a shield. It was bad odds. He managed to take down two, but the third laid into him with several bullets to the chest. Jongup went limp and fell back.

Youngjae caught him in one arm, shooting the last man with his other hand. He fell back against the boxes. Jongup was limp and heavy in his arms. He felt cold. His head lolled against his shoulder, mouth slightly open.

He looked down at his still face. In death his features were relaxed and peaceful, not tense or stern as it sometimes appeared. He looked young. He looked like he had decades of potential ahead of him. He'd been loyal, careful, considerate, and was particular about his skills. He'd been fucked up by some shitty system and shot to death because he had no where else to go.

Grief gripped every fibre of Youngjae's being. Himchan was gone. Daehyun wouldn't make it. There was still fighting going on around him and it didn't sound good. His entire precinct had been massacred and here the police were doing just the same. Everywhere he went, death stalked him like a shadow.

And now Jongup was dead. He'd died fighting and protecting him and he was _dead_. He'd _died_ in his _arms_. Jongup had been _shot to death and died in his arms_. The man who'd quietly stood beside him before the betrayal then supported him afterwards and comforted him when he was falling apart was _dead_. The man who wanted nothing more than a way to vent his stress and maybe experience some close intimacy had _died taking bullets in his place and was dead in his arms_. _Jongup was dead_.

He was _dead_.

 _Dead_.

He held the man close and choked out a sob, before the primal anguish consumed him and he let out a pained, mourning wail, head thrown back, whole body tensed.

He didn't hear the bullet, but he felt it. Like a hot white dash across his consciousness, then thick blood trickling into his vision. His head slumped forwards, dazed.

The bullets and fighting became faint.

Far away.

Quiet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was on the floor. It was so cold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things were quiet now. Actually quiet. His head hurt. His face was sticky and cold. Everything felt strange and a bit wobbly.

Something shifted. He wondered if he had moved himself without realising.

He was suddenly lurched back, his hand smacking against the wooden boxes. The room got all wobbly again for a moment. Through the narrow slit of vision he had, he could just faintly see a dar shape moving in front of him. Getting up.

His eyes focused just enough to see shoes. Familiar...

He heard something happening just a few feet away. The fog in his head was starting to clear.

A single bullet shot echoed around the warehouse.

He froze, holding his breath.

Jongup laughed quietly. It chilled him to the bone.

He slowly turned his head, trying to ignore the way it pounded with so much pain that his vision flickered in and out. He could just make out the retreating back of the man as he peeled away the bloodied, tattered layers of his clothes to reveal a bulletproof vest.

He stared in stunned silence, unable to make a sound let alone move and do something. He watched helplessly as Jongup unloaded a few bullets into one of the special force's head, cracking it open like an egg and mashing it down into a vicious bloody pulp. He dipped the removed shirt in the blood and, like a crude brush, smeared it across the wall in a large dripping **X**.

Youngjae waited as he retreated into the darkness, footsteps fading into silence. Then he dragged himself up to crawl, army style, painfully slow and nearly throwing up on the way, towards Daehyun.

His neck was a bleeding mess.

He managed to shuffle up against him, pressing his coat sleeve against the wound to stem the blood. Then he pressed his mouth to his collar where the mic was.

“Requesting... Immediate medical response. Please copy. Immediate medical response.”

His tongue felt heavy and numb. Everything was going out of focus again. Iron sat heavily in his nose and mouth.

He blacked out.

 


	23. END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for only just updating the archive warnings but I couldn't make a solid decision if there would or would not be a death  
> if it helps it's quietly eluded to and not overtly stated or shown

The stitches ran all the way over the top of his head,following the scratch the bullet had left in his scull. There had been a big scary blood transfusion and lots of panic over the extent of the damage done. Jaebum had even come in to leave him Get Well Soon flowers.

He'd been in and out of therapy, getting his head back into place and easing him back into 'normal society'. He'd missed his apartment, but now it felt like someone else's. Part of the therapy involved rebuilding himself, so he'd thrown away everything he'd owned and used the health compensation money he'd gained from the police force to redecorate. His room was still bare, but the rest of the apartment had started filling up with anything soft he could get his hands on or was scented. Anything he could just shove his face into and temporarily forget the world for a moment. Fluffy toys had become a bit abundant. He'd taken a fondness to teddy bears in particular.

Sometimes at night we woke up screaming and writhing, hot sweat pouring down his body like blood. Nightmare hands clawed at his skin. The pillows on his bed became bodies. He'd spend the next day sobbing to the therapist.

He was getting better. His daily journal involved less obvious discussion of trauma and more mundane day-to-day activities. He went out sometimes – but never drank. He didn't break down in public whenever he heard anything that sounded like a gunshot and had managed to flinches he could disguise as simple surprise (he would then have a quiet breakdown once he got home). He enjoyed some modern pop music and had developed opinions about which contestants on talent shows needed to be kicked off. He was, as his therapist said, “making fantastic progress”.

Yongguk still refused to see him during visitation hours.

Court had been chaos. Of course they were all going to be put behind bars at some point but there'd been discussions of ethics of having him undercover among them and the suffering they'd experienced already at the hands of X.

Himchan had gracefully allowed himself to be locked away, then used every second of Youngjae's visiting hours to complain about everything about the place. He'd gained a few new scars on his face and only said, “They make me look mysterious and handsome, right?” when Youngjae inquired.

Himchan couldn't laugh much or get too excited. The cracked ribs and minor lung damage made it excruciating. He'd dramatically told Youngjae once that a bullet had hit his heart,to which the younger had called bullshit.

He'd been given a long sentence, but would be granted an earlier leave if he behaved well. He seemed to have other ideas. Youngjae didn't bother pushing for details.

He'd been surprised by Himchan's response to the whole ordeal. But, as the older man explained, “You can't trust anyone. Of course I knew you'd betray us in the end. Your heart is in the right place and it's annoying as hell,” which seemed to be all that was needed to be said. The older man seemed to take pity that Youngjae had been so closely targeted by X.

It all made sense really. The damaged mic and camera. The missing bulletproof vest. It didn't take a lot towork out how to hack a transaction and figure out what was going on – especially for a known criminal mastermind. Cracking the code had been the real stinger. The police force really did need to up their game.

They never said his name. He couldn't even be sure it was real. The police protection around all of them was a chilling reminder of who they'd let get away. Youngjae had told all he knew, the others had given the barest details – out of solidarity for a bond seemingly once shared or fear, he didn't know. It didn't matter either way.

Junhong had been locked away despite Youngjae's best efforts, but had got on an internal education course and was making miles. The youngest had stuck all his effort into the rehabilitation programme and used Youngjae's visits for revision sessions. Youngjae occasionally brought him a few books to help him out or paid for a tutor to come join him and help out a bit.

Junhong had taken a while to come around to trusting him again, but had decided that Youngjae had suffered enough. Also, no one else was visiting and he was desperate for connections to the outside world. Youngjae wasn't sure the kid would ever get a solid career outside of prison, but he would at least be assured with a better life. He deserved it.

Once he'd got the younger to recount what had happened that night after he'd been shot. He'd been impressed by the younger's heroism, and confused by how he'd even ended up in a gang in the first place. The answers were always cryptic, but he suspected bad parenting and drugs had been involved.

They never spoke about Daehyun. Seeing only the two of them when he came to visit felt overwhelmingly lonely. If they got too near the topic, Himchan's eyes would unfocusfor a moment and he'd seem to retreat inside himself. Junhong would press his lips shut and look away, fiddling until the subject would change.

The service had been quiet. Small. Simple.

The sister had been buried overlooking the sea on the outskirts of Busan. He'd visited once to pay his respects, and mourned the casualties of police work.

Things were a little harder for criminals, it seemed. There was some complications happening in that regard that would take a while to settle.

It all felt hollow and bullshit.

Jaebum had met him for lunch once, bringing along the other Youngjae. He found himself surprised when he was completely unbothered by him. The guy seemed nice enough. Worrying about who worked with who or who had what name just didn't seem to matter any more. Jaebum told him he looked older. He could only agree.

He joined a group for victims of criminal violence, and another one for people managing close personal loss. He made a few friends. He cried a few times. No one pushed him when he said he was legally bound to remain silent on some matters – even when he was lying.

He thought about getting a dog.

The force offered him an office job if he felt table enough to go back, or a full-benefits early retirement for his troubles. He knew he should strive for the former. His therapist said the latter was a valid option, but he suspected there was a fear he might off himself once he had no obligations.

It might have crossed his mind a few times.

He was doing better now.

 

It was a pretty miserable, cold afternoon when no one else was in the mood to visit and he'd been rained on that Yongguk stepped into the visiting room.

He wished he hadn't looked so pathetic, but the half-drowned puppy look must've had some effect as Yongguk's expression softened a little.

The older man sat quietly opposite him, not immediately meeting his wide-eyed stare,made himself comfortable, set his hands on his lap, then looked at him.

“Okay,” Yongguk said after a quiet pause, “You can explain yourself.”

He tried not to cry so much for the next twenty minutes.

 

**END ACT 2**

 


	24. EPILOGUE

Youngjae leaned against the door of his car, head tilted back and breeze ruffling his hair. He'd taken to wearing berets and caps to cover the large pale scar running along his scalp. He didn't see his therapist so often these days. A few times a week he'd go into the office and file paperwork. He'd cleared out the mound of cuddly toys and started actually decorating his apartment like an adult.

He was doing okay.

He didn't want to stand in the reception. It seemed a bit intense. He hadn't been before. When Himchan got out on 'bail' (or as he imagined it actually was: bribery) he'd been swept back to his wealthy family and then vanished off the map. Sometimes he unexpectedly turned up on Youngjae's door with a casket of alcohol and a strong desire to complain about something before vanishing again. Once after Junhong passed his first major exam he'd appeared in the visitors room to celebrate, then been ushered out by security for uncorking a bottle of wine.

Junhong hadn't quite got the luck of wealth on his side, but hard work and good promise had got him out from behind bars and working in the community under constant surveillance in the local area. Youngjae had never asked, but he was pretty certain the poor guy had a tracker attached to him. Not that he'd ever run. Junhong was set on making a better life for himself to the point it had become a little hard to stay in touch with him. Weeks turned into months between encounters.

Yongguk served the longest. His eyes had sunken and lines on his face more pronounced. A few new scars. Undercut. He was more quiet than ever. Visits had become more sparse.

Even with the good behaviour his release seemed early. Youngjae suspected another 'bail' had been involved. Himchan hadn't shown to clarify anything. It probably didn't mean much.

The reception door opened and he straightened up. Yongguk stepped out and stood still for a moment, squinting a bit in the light and holding a single duffel bag over his shoulder. He was broader, but thinner than he had been going in.

Youngjae raised a hand in greeting. Yongguk responded the same and walked over.

“How's the taste of freedom?” He asked.

“Bitter,” the older replied. “I've got no one out here.”

“You have me,” he said in forced cheerful tone, opening the car door to let Yongguk in before going around and getting in the drivers seat.

“I'm half convinced you'll drive me straight into another prison cell.”

He laughed awkwardly and turned the radio on.

 

They ended up at a small ramen restaurant on Yongguk's demand.

“So what's your plan now?” He asked, poking at his food with his chopsticks.

“Not sure. Always lived in hideouts. I guess I have to find somewhere to live. Got no money though.”

He forced his voice to stay calm. “You can crash with me for a while until that's worked out.” He kept his eyes down on his food until the silence had gone on too long, then looked up.

Yongguk was watching him curiously. His face flushed.

“Hm. Sure.” Yongguk nodded and turned back to his food.

Yongguk ate three bowls and Youngjae had to physically force him not to drink an entire bottle of whiskey. He promised to buy them something later. Yongguk made a point to shake the owner's hand. Youngjae tried not to die of embarrassment.

 

They stopped by the funeral home. Youngjae got out of the car with his binder of paperwork. Yongguk quietly followed.

There were lots of lines to sign.

The urn was handed over. It was depressingly bland.

Youngjae sat in the car and sighed heavily, looking down at it.

“I'll hold it while you drive,” Yongguk quietly offered.

Youngjae looked over to him then swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.”

Yongguk held the urn like a child.

Youngjae ignored the scorching tears that crawled down his cheeks.

Himchan was already inside his apartment. Yongguk stopped in the doorway, baffled.

“He made his own key,” Youngjae offered as explanation.

“You look terrible,” Himchan greeted the ex gang leader.

The two stood at an awkward distance from each other, neither sure where the other stood with them, before Himchan's gaze dropped to the urn.

“Ah.”

Himchan reached a hand out tentatively, then paused. Yongguk was clutching the urn like a protective mother, but hesitated a moment, then passed it over. Himchan took it carefully into his arms and gazed down at it.

They'd all been critical in hospital. Damaged organs. Bleeding. Tubes in and out of them. Machined beeping. Months of agonizing unstable conditions.

None of them had been able to mourn before they were locked up.

Youngjae had been left with most of the legal stuff. It had been draining as hell, emotionally and mentally. Difficult to focus on with a fractured scull.

Himchan bit his lip and took a breath. “You know where you're putting him?”

Youngjae nodded. “Heading out tomorrow. You joining us?”

Himchan nodded.

 

They spent the night with food and alcohol and bad tv and a stern refusal to talk about the past. Yongguk multiple times needed reassurance. At some point Youngjae found himself squeezing his hand.

Himchan passed out drunkenly before either of them, and they dragged him to the guest room and tucked him in. They were left alone.

They sat shoulder to shoulder on the floor and drank quietly. Youngjae tidied up. Yongguk poured a glass and set it in front of the urn.

“You can stay in my bedroom and I'll take the couch,” he offered.

Yongguk nodded silently and made his way to the bedroom. Youngjae suspected he missed the comfort and privacy that freedom offered.

He settled himself on the couch and stared at the urn until his eyes fell shut.

 

It was a long drive. Youngjae stayed alone in the front with the radio playing. Himchan and Yongguk sat in the back with the urn between them.

The sea wind buffeted them as they stepped out, all breathing in the clean air in unison. They began the march up the hill.

Junhong was already there, accompanied by an officer who stood quietly back to give him a moment of privacy.

Yongguk set the urn by the headstone and stepped back. The other three looked on quietly.

“It's been a long fight,” Youngjae said after a moment,”but we've finally reunited you two. Neither of you deserved this, and you should be able to sit side by side here alive. But cruel forces tampered with your lives. Only now after so many years are you two finally together again.”

He wondered if the Jung siblings could even hear him, wherever they were.

He hoped so.

“You were a good man, and always smiling,” Junhong added quietly, “You only ever wanted people to be happy, and you took good care of the rest of us. Your kindness shouldn't have been taken advantage of so easily. I hope you're in a good place now, or reincarnated in a better family. Maybe even with your sister too. You deserve something nice.

There was a silence, then Himchan spoke. “You worked hard, and kept us all in good spirits. I tried my best to stand at your side, but too easily we were turned against each other. I hope you can forgive me. I will never forget what you did for me. Your sister was an unnecessary casualty of cruelty. I hope you two have found peace.”

They waited for some time, then looked at Yongguk.

“I failed you. All of you,” he began, then held up a hand to silence them as they began to protest. “I have served my time, though this grief will live with me forever. I hope we are able to meet again on the other side.”

 

The sun set slowly over the high tide. Junhong was lead away by the officer. Someone appeared silently by the foot of the hill and Himchan left to join them. Youngjae and Yongguk sat and watched the sky turn dark and pricks of stars appear. Two seemed to shine exceptionally bright.

 

They got back to the apartment late. Yongguk took the guest bedroom. Youngjae crawled into his own bed and breathed in the smell of the older man on his sheets.

 

 

 

 

The apartment had become messy over the next few weeks as the two men slowly settled into a routine living together. It was hard for a felon to find work, so in the meantime Yongguk joined Youngjae on the therapeutic exercises. Turned out he was an exceptional painter. Canvases littered the apartment, sheets of paint-splattered newspaper on most surfaces, paint pots and brushes tucked into boxes and corners.

They dedicated an afternoon to tidying up and stacking canvases: what to sell, what to finish, what to ditch, what to keep. The keep pile was barren. Yongguk didn't seem to like his work enough. The paper was strewn up and binned. The brushes and pots locked in a box. Surfaces wiped. Floor hoovered.

Yongguk paused in the middle of putting the paints away, picking something up silently.

“If it's crap just throw it,” Youngjae said, kicking down paper in the bin.

Yongguk stood quietly, still staring down at his hand.

Youngjae strode over, batting dry paint off his hands, then stopped.

Yongguk was holding the necklace.

“Oh. I thought I lost that.”

Yongguk turned it over in his hand.

Youngjae shifted his weight from foot to foot nervously. They'd never spoken about it.

“I remember this.” Yongguk's voice was quiet. “You didn't have anything else. Just clothes, and this.”

“I... Didn't need much.”

Yongguk nodded. “I wasn't sure if I'd see you again. I thought they might shoot you and take the money. I thought this would be all I had left of you.”

He swallowed thickly.

Yongguk looked up at him. “You still have it.”

Youngjae nodded. “I guess I didn't want to get rid of it.”

Yongguk looked down to the faded cross. “It's fake,” he said with a slight tone of surprise.

“Yeah. Costume jewellery. My superiors said it would make me look more convincing.”

Yongguk nodded. “You never wore it.”

“I did. Once.”

Yongguk looked at him.

“That last night. I wore it then.”

Yongguk looked at him silently for a long while until Youngjae was squirming under his gaze. “Why?”

He was caught off guard. “Why?”

“Why'd you wear it then?”

He fumbled with the sleeves of his shirt. “It... Seemed important.”

Yongguk held his gaze for a while longer, then nodded once and put the box away, then went to put the necklace back as well.

“Wait-”

Yongguk looked at him.

“I... I'll put that somewhere more safe. I don't want to lose it again.”

Yongguk handed it over and he took it with trembling fingers.

 

 

 

 

Youngjae worked full time in the office. Yongguk sold paintings. Being an ex felon living with a police officer apparently made of interesting art material.

They got a dog. Or rather, Yongguk showed up home once with a puppy in his arms and demanded they keep it. Youngjae didn't argue. Yongguk painted the dog and hung the canvas on the wall, proud of his work. He started smiling a lot more.

Turned out Yongguk really liked Tigger. Youngjae thought Owl was a better character but didn't argue. There were large cuddly toys of both characters permanently living on the couch and the dog, also Tigger, would nestle between them.

Youngjae never asked when Yongguk was planning to move out.

Himchan visited a few times, but his visits became more far apart. Every visit Youngjae wondered if it might be the last.

Junhong had got into med school and was struggling to find a placement. Youngjae wrote letters to each hospital and doctors with recommendation, even though he had no real idea of how well the guy was doing in his classes. It was hard to make time to see him, let alone find a moent the younger was even free to spend time.

On weekends he and Yongguk went out for ramen, came home and watched a movie, then went to bed.

Youngjae didn't see his therapist anymore.

On sunny days they drove out to the countryside and let Tigger run wild in the fields.

Yongguk looked healthier than he ever had.

Jaebum met the older man once, dropping around to check on Youngjae and catch up. He'd struggled to believe that either of them had really ever been in a gang, let alone that Youngjae had ever been an active member of the police force. He'd given Youngjae's soft sides a playful poke and nearly had his wrist broken in response.

Sometimes on holidays they drove out to Busan and sat on the coast and drank to lost friends.

 

 

 

 

Youngjae sometimes questioned if those days had even been real. He'd changed so much over the years. Late at night Yongguk would lie his head in his lap and he'd run his fingers through the long, soft hair. After work he'd come home and curl against Yongguk's chest, letting the older man rub his back.

Sometimes they kissed.

They'd started sharing a bed. More than once it had led to something else.

Yongguk's scars had faded, his body softened. Youngjae suspected he was the same.

It had been along time since he'd heard from the other two.

 

 

 

 

X never struck again.

 

He was never caught.

 


End file.
